


Splatoon 2: Gun Expansion!

by FizzyCorrupts, hibiscushavoc, Rainbowleaf



Series: Gun Expansion AU [1]
Category: Splatoon
Genre: Content warning Chapter 3 and onwards, F/F, F/M, First two chapters are a facade, M/M, Multi, Read chapter summaries, We put the trigger warnings there please heed our warnings, by gays for gays, please, will add more tags as the story progresses
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-24
Updated: 2018-10-19
Packaged: 2019-07-01 19:47:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 31,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15780873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FizzyCorrupts/pseuds/FizzyCorrupts, https://archiveofourown.org/users/hibiscushavoc/pseuds/hibiscushavoc, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rainbowleaf/pseuds/Rainbowleaf
Summary: A cruel joke of a distorted filter falls over the world. When a twisted and pained child is forced into a life or death situation at the hands of the once docile Marie Cuttlefish, the facade shatters and Hank Gauge is thrust headfirst into the hellscape of a land tainted by eldritch gods from beyond their plane of existence.No one is safe. Danger lurks around every corner. Protect who is important to you. Surreality is reality. Normality is surreality. Sensibility has been thrown out the window. Worldviews clash. Sadism is the new desire. Flesh is meaningless.They are watching from up above. The world has become their putty. Please bring us salvation. Return to us the normality we crave. We beg of you. Save us.





	1. The Beginning of the End

It’s been 30 years since the second defeat of DJ Ollie Boy, and the defeat of Commander Clam Dip. In a sad turn of events, legendary war hero Captain Craig Cuttlefish of the Squidmeat Saloon has died of old age. Meanwhile, DJ Ollie Boy died from eating bad Jack in the Box. Poor guys. The Inklings have since stopped utilizing fish power. It was no longer valid, I assure you. Especially not after the war. But moving on.

“We are all here to say our prayers today.” Jimbo stated, holding up the Holy Squible. “Today we honor the lives of two great men. DJ Ollie Boy the eight armed fuck machine, and Craig Cuttlefish, the ancient as fuck squid man who ate Octoling flesh with a fork.” The priest screeched. He accelerated through time after his words, never being seen again. Callie and Marie clutched each other tightly, sobbing at the death of their grandfather. Kyle Bronson, the local high school marker salesman, called his 20th century boys and then died.

“I can’t believe he’s gone!” Callie yelled, holding a hand over her chest and singing softly the tune of the Calamari Inkantation. “He always seemed so healthy until he ate those 20 pies made of pure cheese baked in cheesy crust.”

“Yeah…” Marie was eating a pie made of pure cheese baked in cheesy crust. “I’ll miss that old squid fuck.” She stated.

“Hey, respect the dead you fuckaroni salad.” Agent 8 stated, smoking exactly one (2) cigar. “We’re here to honor their memories. My grandpa Ollie Boy is dead now.”

“Gosh I remember when DJ Ollie Boy tried to eat my flesh.” Inkling Number 4 with an Extra Large Coke stated. “Well at least we know backstreet’s back...alright.”

CQ Cumber sat alone. He was eating a pile of chips off the floor. His newborn grandson Graham was on the floor too. But he wasn’t going to eat that.

“Ah Graham, you bring joy to my world; you disturbing half-octoling/half-sea cucumber hybrid.” He extends his freaky blue arms and picks up the child. “I will raise you into an ideal son. Ever since your father died in that horrible plane crash during The Twenty-Seventh Great Turf War, and Agent 8 chose to give you up out of grief; I’ve been your only source of joy.”

“I love you grandfather.” The newborn stated in a deep baritone voice.

“Oh no, you freak me out.” CQ threw the child into a sewer. He was the mutants’ issue now. Now, the young Graham was washed through the polluted waves. Suddenly he was rescued by a butch lesbian Octoling and Inkling couple named Klik and Shoebox.

“Nobody deserves such harsh mistreatment.” Klik states, staring at the horrific hybrid bab. She felt pity for it. She chose to no longer look at it, shoving it into Shoebox’s arm and getting a divorce on the spot.

“Well, at least I’m here for you.” Shoebox says warmly to Graham. “I will raise you as my own. I will call you a new name. You will be...Browning.” She held up the baby to the light shining through the cracks of the sewer ceiling. She cried lesbian tears and screamed.

\--

Browning matured into a happy meal child. He wanted to school. He ate lunch. He made friends. He ate friends for lunch. The average life. He had started dating the most popular girl in school: Chilly McWilly AKA Jumbalaya Flats AKA Humble Crumble AKA Fuckface McScrufface AKA Brenda.

“Hey Browning, ya know what’d be horrible? If I got kidnapped by a pork sandwich from space.” Brenda states, eating an apple pie. “But that wouldn’t happen.”

“You’re right.” Browning responds, eating a banana. The banana was not actually a banana. It was an arm. From his childhood friend Jesse. Jesse tasted like cucumbers and beans. Ew. He threw the arm into the sewer.

“Hey guys, can we go to the store?” The new friend Humbert McHumbert McBumbert Crumbert. “We need to pick up some chicken salad.”

“What the fuck is a chicken?” The teacher from the screecher says. Nobody knew who he was. He accelerated through time and was never seen again, just like the priest. Browning smoked a seaweed blunt containing hallucinogenic zapfish skin flakes. It was valid, I assure you.

“We have to go work at Grizzco.” Brenda holds up her schedule, which is filled with Grizzco work and playthroughs of erotic fangames of Splatoon 2. Browning eats his own shoes in response.

“We should go.” Browning states. He stands up on his four cucumber digits and vomits out his shoes. He doesn’t even wear shoes. He didn’t know why he had them.

The friends travel to Grizzco. Mr. Grizz, the buff hunky Inkling bear covered in body hair, was there. Nobody knew why he had body hair. Dedf1sh was waiting outside the building, smoking three blunts. Callie was having an existential crisis beside her sanitized Octoling wife. Browning and the funky bunch paid them no attention. Jesse was there too, seeking medical attention for their missing arm.

“We would like to go here and work for money for our pointless existence.” Humbert states to the fuckalicious fucking fuck hunk. Mr. Grizz is vomiting from overexposure.

“I’m gonna die.” Dedf1sh states, before getting bashed over the head with a brick. She did not die. She lived as she died. Just like my dad.

“Well at least everything turned out okay in the end.” Callie states, eating a packet of human ears. Nobody knows where she got them. She just had sources. Humans tasted like sawdust and love light. I don’t really know how to explain it better than that. I guess it tastes like the vague concept of existence. Ya know what I mean? You get me.

“I taste dead people.” Brenda states. Suddenly a UFO appeared over her. A pork sandwich climbed out, pulling her into it. She screamed in vorror. At least she didn’t go out like Pearl. She wouldn’t melt.

“Don’t just stand there. Save her!” Callie screams, choking on ears.  
“Nah fam.” Browning responds, leaving to go on the merry-go-round at Squid City Central Shopping Mall Bungman Center. The merry-go-round was shut down on account of death. “Aw damn.” The freak of nature states, turning to suddenly face a phone.

“I’m Commander Clam Dip, the phone said.” The phone said. He was holding up a dirty magazine named “Buckle Up, We Got Squiddies.”

“Oh...okay?” Browning was confused. He was eating turkey flavored ice cream.

“We’ve gotta save your girlfriend!” Commander Clam Dip yells.

“She’s not my girlfriend. She’s the girlfriend of the dude who took her now.” The hybrid boy eats. Clam Dip yells. Then he eats too.

“She’s in danger. It’s your mission to save her.” The phone phones.

“Nah, get somebody else to do it.”

Browning left the narrative, never to be seen again. He later accelerated through time and was never seen again. That’s how he disappeared and was never seen again. He was never seen again. That’s just how it is.

Clam Dip turned exactly 40 degrees to face an Inkling drinking a Diet Coke from a straw. There was no cup. Just like life.

“You’ll do.” Clam Dip states. “So you got any special skills?”

“I can...turn into a gun.” The Inkling states.

“Are you sure you’re an Inkling?” Clam Dip asks, smoking 12 blunts.

“...Nah.” The Inkling responds, drinking 40 gallons of Pabst beer. “In the end of the day, we’re all dead inside.”

“That’s just how it be.” Clam Dip nods.

“Well am I like a secret agent now?” The Gunkling asks.

“No you’re a secret fuckgent.” Commander Clam Dip screeches, holding up a piece of paper saying “Bunches of Oats.”

“...Who even are you?” The Gunkling asks.

“I’m your dad.” Clam Dip yells. The Gunkling starts sobbing loudly.

“But I have a dad at home!” The Gunkling responds. He had a dad at home.

“Why else do you think you can turn into a gun?” Clam Dip dips and weaves like a cheese stick made of donkeys.

“Because my mother performed horrific experiments on me growing up.” The Gunkling states. “She had to go to prison. My life has never been okay.”

“Sounds exactly like my last marriage.” The phone boogles like a proud Icelandic onion ring.

“You are a phone.” The Gunkling states. “If you’re my dad, what’s my name?”

“...Jimmy Johnson of the Florida Johnsons?”

“No.” The Gunkling leaves. He never saw that phone again.

\--

Hank the Gunkling walked along, eating a hot pocket. He was on his way to school. It was a new day. No phones. No strange events.

“Ah, I’m just glad everything is cool.” Hank whispers, sighing loudly. He ran up to his friend Benny, a young Inkling woman who he went to school with.

“Oh hey, Hank!” Benny, an actual normal person, greets the Gunkling. “Did you hear they’re closing down the gym today? That means we get to skip phys ed!”

“Oh wow, that’s really cool!” Hank laughs, excited for the school day. That’s when she appeared.

“Hey yo fuckface.” Marie exclaims, climbing out of a manhole...then climbing out of the sewer. “We’re here to begin the new survey for Slap Chop! Come with me!” She grabbed Hank by the arm and dragged him away from Benny, who cried out in concern for his safety. Hank had been kidnapped, just like Callie’s ex-husband Jeff. Marie was the one who kidnapped him. And then ate his eyeballs and skin.

“Let me go!” Hank yelled, trying desperately to escape the fucked up Inkling woman who was holding a shotgun.

“No.”

“Okay.”

“Take me out to dinner.” Marie yelled at him. She held up a wallet and handed it over to him.

“But I don’t want to.” Hank cries. “I just wanna go to school and eat crappy lunch pizza.”

“You’re not going to school anymore, fuckarino.” Marie gloated, showing him a document of his expulsion. Hank cried.

“What the fuck are you?!”

“I’m the woman you both desire and fear.” She drank a bottle of iced tea and took a breath. “Anyways, we’re here to send you to your doom on a mission to save the long lost Squid Sister Hildabroth.”

“Who the fuck?!” Hank was sobbing. He wanted to die right now. His life was ruined. There was no Cod. There was only Satan woman standing before him.

“That’s what I said when she called me.” Marie responds. “Now tell me about any sexual relationships you’ve had in the last year or so.”

“I’m a 19 year old virgin.” Hank responds in terror.

“I know you’ve had one.” Marie takes out a blender and puts it down on the ground. “Now stare at this.”

“Why?” Hank was unable to conjure any other words.

“Well you see...I’m gay.” Marie states. “Well actually I’m bisexual, but that’s beside the point. Now take your shirt off so I can put this jacket on you. And then I’ll let you put these pants and shoes on. And then you can wear these cute little headphones. And then you’ll get dysentery.”

“Wait what-”

“What?” Marie threw the outfit aside. “Now tell me about the day you became a gun.”

“Well technically I didn’t become a gun...I just turn into one.”

“Turn into a gun for me. Make me a happy lady.” Marie brushed her hair with a pork sausage.

“I don’t want to. It hurts to exist when I’m a gun.” Hank cried. “I don’t want to hurt anymore.”

“Either you turn into a gun or I murder your family.” Marie states, staring with death eyes. “And then I’ll marry your dad.”

“But why would you want to marry my dad?” Hank asks in confusion. “He’s already married to my mom. He’s already fucked, and he won’t fuck again.”

“Because I’m a filthy bitch like that.” Marie responds, eating a poptart. “Now guess who’s back...back again.”

“No. I’m not guessing that.” Hank responds aggressively. “I want to go home you fucking angry bitch of a woman. I will go to your home and eat all the food in your fridge.” Hank states, yelling loudly. He wasn’t taking her shit anymore.

“Wow, the way you yell at me makes me want to marry you.” Marie states. “We are married now.” Hank looks at his hand and suddenly is wearing a ring. He looks up at Marie, who is in a wedding dress. Suddenly Hank realizes he’s in a tux.

“What the actual fuck.” Hank couldn’t even phrase this as a question anymore. They were now joined in holy matrimony. In the name of Cod, they were husband and wife.

“I love you, Hank.” Marie smacks her lips. “We are forever together. And now you are legally bound to become a gun.”

“This is when I wish I could shoot myself with my own gun form.” Hank wanted to die.

“Now listen up.” Marie rips her wedding dress off, and is now wearing that one outfit from the one thing. You know it. Yeah booooiiiiiii.

“Okay. I’m dead inside now anyway.” Hank sobbed. He was ready to die.

“Okay so now...you’re Agent 12 Gauge.” Marie stated. “You are no longer Hank. That name is dead to you. And I am now Marie Gauge. Gauge is your last name now. You are just Agent 12 technically, but it sounds better with Gauge.”

“Okay.”

“Now let us embrace and kiss as lovers do.”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Because you kidnapped me you fucking psycho squitch.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“Well can we cuddle?”

“No.”

“Why?”

“Refer to my past statement.”

“I’ll give you $40.”

“My family is rich.”

“You’re lying.”

“My cousin is Pearl Splatoon.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“Can you turn into a gun now?”

“I guess.”

“Yay!” Marie exclaimed, clapping excitedly. Hank morphed into a Desert Eagle. He was in pain. He wanted to die just from existing at the moment. Please Cod release him from this hell. He turned back and made pain noises.

“There, I turned into a gun! Happy?” Hank sighed and crossed his arms. “Can I go back to school?”

“No, we’re married now. You are expelled. We are in love.” Marie responded happily. She held up her twenty eight wedding rings. From her many marriages. None of them worked out. Because they couldn’t run fast enough.

“Once again. What the fuck are you?” Hank asked.

“I’m the woman you fear but simultaneously also fear.” Marie whispered with booglin noises. “Now I’m going to send you on your first mission to Sprocto Canyon.”

“What the fuck is Sprocto Canyon? That’s not real!” Hank yelled.

“Oh...right. Well I’m sending you to Octo Valley.”

“But didn’t somebody do that one already?”

“Yeah. She’s dead now though. I ate her skin. It was tasty.”

“But she goes to my school. She’s perfectly fine.”

“Not anymore.” Marie licked her squips. She had blue liquid on her two (1) teeth. “I don’t want to die.” Marie suddenly exclaimed. “Anyways you’re going to Octo Canyon.”

“But didn’t Agent 4 do that?” Hank asked, scratching his head.

“No, she’s a fuckup.” Marie smoked a cigarette casually, lighting it with a bong. “4 never does anything right. That’s why she went to the home.”

“The...the home?”

“Yeah.”

“What about that one Octoling girl? You know with the leather clothes?”

Oh, she’s dead too...I’m kidding. She turned on us and went to Warwick, Rhode Island. We’ve never seen her since. She defected after the threesome. Yeah. Oh no, not like that! She was in a band! It was called the 3Some! Then she was in a foursome. With the other agents and Jeff from Accounting College.

“Who?” Hank asked, hearing the narration. “Why is there a voice describing our lives?”

“Don’t worry about it, hunkasaurus rex.” Marie responded, posing dramatically. “I can tell you that she didn’t suffer.”

“Wait what?!”

“Oh I’m talking about Jeff.”

“Do I want to know?”

“I ate his bones through his nose.” Marie responded, smoking bones. “Jeff is somewhere now. I don’t know where. I skinned her alive.”

“Why are you such an awful organism?” Hank asked. “You exude death and destruction beneath a sexy facade.”

“I’m Marie, the fuckalicious crunchalicious punkalicious trunkalicious boner fuel.”

“Please never say that again.”

“I want to though.”

“Don’t.”

“Make me happy and let me say it.”

“I want you to be miserable.”

“Honey...don’t say that babe. We’ve enjoyed 20 years of marriage just to argue like this?”

“I just met you.”

“Oh yeah you did.”

Hank ran. He ran as fast as he could. Nobody would catch him. He dived into the sewer. Marie couldn’t catch him there. These were different sewers from the one she used. She’d be dazed and confused, like that one movie.

“I’m finally safe.” Hank says to himself. Suddenly she was there.

“Hi.” The Octoling states. “I’m back from Warwick, Rhode Island.”

“Are you Agent 8?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh thank fuck. You’ll protect me from the Inkling who’s trying to marry me right?” Hank begs.

“I have a bat and a package of beef jerky. I’m ready.” Agent 8 states, saluting. Hank felt safe. “Now tell me, when did Marie spirit you away?”

“Just this morning. Like...20 minutes ago.” Hank smiles, happy to have somebody supporting him.

“You and I are going to get along great.” Agent 8 responded, snapping his wedding ring in two. Hank cried in pain, but he was fine with this. He wasn’t married anymore.

“Mother, is that you?” The deformed hybrid states from the other side of the sewer. It was Browning. He had decelerated through time.

“Oh my god, it’s you?” Agent 8 exclaimed excitedly. They ran towards each other in slow motion. Then 8 punted him through a sewer pipe. He accelerated through existence. He was never seen again. Who’s Browning?

“Why can’t I just be around normality?” Hank asks of himself. “Cod strike me down.”

“Nah fam, that’s your job.” Agent 8 responds. “We have to get moving. Marie might be down here soon. She’s horny. It’s that hour.”

“How do you know that?” Hank asks, very concerned. How does...how does Agent 8 know Marie is feeling saucy? Even I don’t know.

“That doesn’t matter now. Now we’re going to go fight for our rights.” Agent 8 responds, eating beef jerky.

“Wait what?”

“Marie is here and she’s here to stay. We gotta put her down.” Agent 8 smiled.

“Hey guys.” Dedf1sh was there. She was holding a Splattershot Jr. Callie was there with her and she was crying. “Excuse her, she just had a breakdown cause the ears ran out.”

“I need more!” Callie screamed. “They made me feel like I had worth.”

“Yes they did.” Dedf1sh states. “And they made her feel other things I cannot disclose.”

“Yeah.” Callie states, smiling euphorically.

“I’m scared.” Hank stated, hiding behind 8.

“Well I’m here to kill you.” Dedf1sh states. “I was paid in Chuck E’ Cheese tokens. I’m getting that light up ring.”

“I wanna die, please end me.” Hank begs.

“Nah.” Dedf1sh said...but pointed her gun at Hank. That’s when Pearl pounced from the sewer water. She snapped Ded’s neck like the heathen she was. Marina climbed out of a sewer pipe wearing a spider costume.

“It’s me.” Marina says. She grabs Pearl in her mandibles and drags her away. Pearl cheered excitedly. Her guts were extracted in an act of liquid vore. Not really. They’re fine. Except Ded. She’s fuckin dead. It’s in her job description. I mean....she’s called Dedf1sh. You gotta expect it to happen eventually.

“My wife is dead.” Callie states in a monotone voice. Agent 8 bashed her head in with a bat. Callie was still alive. She’ll be back later. She was never seen again.

Agent 8 and Hank started walking. Hank was traumatized. Suddenly somebody accelerated through time right in front of them. It was Hyper Priest, the second priest. He had finished accelerating. He was there.

Cannibalism was the only answer. Agent 8 channeled her college years and swallowed the priest whole. This was life.

Hyper Priest was gone forever. Nobody ever saw him again. Except when they did. Which was never. Yeah.

This was a new beginning, thought Hank. His old life was dead. He was sad. Now he was legally Hank Gauge. Or...Agent 12 Gauge. Maybe he would be the one to fight Marie’s advances, with bullets.

“What are you thinking about?” Agent 8 asked. She was in a Mona Lisa pose.

“I dunno, stuff.”

“Is it dirty?”

“No.”

“You sure? I used to be a college student like you.”

“I am really fucking sure.”

“Okay.”

“I’m hungry.” Hank states. “Can I get some of dat jerky?”

“No. We must hunt.”

“H-hunt what?” Hank was scared.

“We will hunt everyone...I’m kidding we’re just gonna make some sewer macaroni.”

“How do we make that?”

Agent 8 scooped up water from the sewer into a pan and then made food with it. Hank was disgusted.

“I don’t want to eat that.”

“It’s either this or the flesh of innocents.”

“I...You’re just as bad as Marie!” Hank exclaimed.

“I don’t kidnap and marry random men.”

“...Point taken.”

“Now eat this sewer pasta, you swine.”

“I’ll eat the flesh of the innocents.” Hank resigns himself to fate.

Agent 8 leaves and drags back the corpse of Dedf1sh. 8 laughed sadistically.

“Eat this like a Peppa Piggy.” Agent 8 states, her stomach full of dread. She’d fed on it earlier.

“I...why?” Hank was so terrified.

“Feast upon the flesh of a murderer. You’re gonna munch. You’re gonna crunch. Because she got teeth. In her arms. Just like Mozart.”

“I don’t understand what’s going on.” Hank screeches.

“Oh you will in a second.” Agent 8 tears meat from the Octoling’s corpse and jams it down his mouth.

“IHDUHFDSOFOSDJFSDIOFJ!!!” Hank screams as he swallows the flesh.

“Eat it like your destiny wills.”

“NO!” Hank turned into an AR-15 and blew away Agent 8. She was dead now. She was never seen again. Until later. I mean it this time. She’ll be important. In the scene with the seahorses. You know the one.

Hank stood up and gazed into the waiting sewer tunnels. He was terrified. He was alone. He was married. Nobody would understand his pain. Except Benny, but she was back at school.

“Well...guess this is my life now.” Hank walks off into the sewers, ready to fight for survival.

“...I’m coming for you, Mr. Gauge.” Marie states softly, peeking out from the shadows. She was holding the Pork Charger. It shot metric tons of liquid meat. Nobody knew where the meat came from. Except Jesse.

This was where the adventure begins, and where it will escalate. Drama will ensue. There will be twists. There will be donguses. Nobody will expect it. Find out what happens next time on Splatoon 2:

G U N EXPANSION!!!!!!!!


	2. Junior Junior Junior

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Unbelievable things occur.

Hank wandered through the sewers, taking in the air. It smelled like horror. And the unbirth of societal woe.

“Where is the exit?” Hank wonders. He came in here with a plan. But not a plan to leave. Sometimes even he was stupid as a rock. Like a lot of his kind. Except that one.

“Hey bud...you lookin’ to buy some freshness?” A voice rings out from a sewer pipe. Hank glances at the pipe and looks concerned. Standing in the pipe was a hobo squid. His name was Mark. But Hank doesn’t know that yet. But you do. We all do.

“Uh...hi?” Hank makes sure he still has his wallet. Somebody might have taken it. And somebody did. Oh. “Well shit…” He whispers.

“I’m sellin’ premium Jellyfish Squeezings.” The squid says, holding up a vial of liquid colored like piss. But it wasn’t piss. I don’t know what it was.

“I don’t think I want that.” Hank states bluntly. “But attempt to sell it to me anyways, I guess. I don’t even have money.”

“Oh yes you do, it’s in this wallet I took.” The hobo confesses to his sins. He sips from the squeezy vial. “Now you see, these squeezins’ come from premium Jellyfish. The ones with a lot of money and dogs. Hot dogs, I mean. Dogs are fuckin’ dead. I killed them all, especially Gardfield.”

“O-okay?” Hank was backing away slowly, ready to dash off in any direction. He turns to escape, but suddenly the hobo is there.

“Well young Hank, lemme introduce myself.” The hobo reveals his 400 Great Turf War medals. “I am the long lost cousin of Craig Cuttlefish...Mark.” Hank has heard stories of the legendary serial killer Mark, who lived in the sewers. He was going to die. As he should.

\--

Benny sat in the classroom, staring at her textbook. She had just come back from the bathroom, where she had genuinely sobbed for the first time in her life. Her best friend had been kidnapped, and she had told the officials about it. They told her they’d handle it, but she was worried that Hank was gone forever. Her cheeks were stained with tears and her notebook was covered in wet marks.

“Hank…” She mumbled his name, doodling a picture of him in the corner of her notebook. Suddenly she heard a rock hit the window next to her seat. She looks up. A few floors down, standing outside and staring up, was a green colored Inkling. It was NOT the one who kidnapped Hank. She was dressed in clothes. 

“Hey! You! Come out here!” The Inkling yells. Benny turned away from the window and attempted to ignore the woman, because she wanted to live a normal life. But that’s when the Inkling breaks through the window, screaming like a spider monkey. She’s holding a Splattershot in one hand and a margarita in the other. She splats the entire class except Benny. Benny is sobbing hard, terrified for her life. “My name is Agent 3...but you can call me Jennifer.”

“...Are you related to the o-one who took Hank?” Benny choked out through her sobs. “B-because if you are I’m ready to d-defend myself.” 

“You won’t defeat me if you try. I am the ultimate. The one who was born to defend and slaughter the Earth.” Jennifer licks her lips and sips her margarita before breaking the glass and jamming the rest of into the last survivor aside from Benny. She then smiled at Benny. She slowly draws the glass from the flesh and swallows it whole. She laughs sadistically as blood leaks from her lips.

“O-oh my cod.” Benny curls up in terror. “W-why are you here?!”

“I’m here to make sure that you save your friend from the greatest threat. Being Marie’s husband.”

\--

Dedf1sh woke up with a start. She looks around the room, she was no longer in the sewers. She had a brace around her neck. The room was pure white. She was lying in a hospital bed. Everything was sterile. Callie was sitting in a chair across the room, bandages and stitches visible on her head.

“Are you awake?” Callie gets up and comes to Ded’s bedside. “Everything is okay. We’re okay.” She whispers and kisses her lover’s cheek.

“...How did we get here?” Ded asks, gently embracing Callie. “Weren’t we uh...fuckin’ dead?”

“Yes.” Callie responds. “But then he found us.” 

“Who’s he?” Ded asks. A door opens. A small blue thing floats in. It’s a jellyfish.

“My name is Dr. Spung. I am the sewer doctor.” The jellyfish opened his gaping toothed maw and took out a clipboard. “Excuse me, that’s my storage space. My mouth is elsewhere.” He makes eyebrow wiggles. Ded holds Callie tighter.

“I don’t like him.” Ded whispers to Callie.

“Neither do I.” Callie responds. “But he was the only person who could have saved us. Sewer doctors aren’t very common...or usually a thing that exists at all.” Callie scratches her head. “We should say thank you at least.”

“I’m nuttin’.” Dr. Spung said. A second jellyfish popped out of him. It put on a lab coat and walked away. “I am Dr. Spung the 29th. He is the 30th.” He points at the child who is now working hard as a sewer doctor. “I will be dead in 5 minutes.”

“That’s not good!” Callie yells.

“And when I die, I take everything with me.” Dr. Spung states, holding up a time bomb. “Now it’s time for you to die by my hands. That was why I saved you. I wanted to murder for my own pleasure.”

“No.” Dedf1sh pulls an emergency gun from her hat and shoots him. He was dead. Dr. Spung the 30th came to mourn. He turned off the time bomb and took it for his own use later. The jellyfish cried. He was the dad now. Ded climbed from the bed and sighed with relief. 

“Let’s get the fuck out of here.” Callie said, clutching Ded’s hand tightly. They walked out the door and were back in the sewers.

“...Does everything feel different?” Ded asks. The world felt more real. Less detached. Everything actually made sense.

“Yeah. Ever since my injuries things feel so strange.” Callie suddenly vomits. She was woozy still.

“...We’re going to get out of the sewers. We have to find Hank.” Ded said, a new mission in her heart.

\--

Marie was skulking through the sewers. She was giggling to herself, brandishing a new charger. It was the Death Charger. She named it herself. And built it. And caressed it. And birthed it. Wait scratch that last one.

“I’m gonna find that fuckin’ bungus.” Marie whispers, leaning 450 degrees around a corner. “And I’ll make him pay all that child support.” She didn’t have any children. Nor did she even have a functioning womb. She contaminated it with the virus. You know the one. The one from that game.

She came upon a sewer pipe and peered down it. Nothing escaped her vision. There was a butch Octoling crying in the pipe. She had recently lost her adopted hybrid child. She had never felt more hurt than she had before. It hurt even more than when Klik left her over the ugliness of Browning. Who’s Browning?

“Hey...you okay?” Marie asked, putting on a caring facade. She readied a knife. This Octoling would be her next meal. Shoebox stood up and kicked Marie in the face.

“I know you! You’re the one who married my ex-wife!” She took out a gun from her belt. “Nobody will suffer from your influence again!” Shoebox readied her gun, an E-Liter 4k, and charged it to fire and splat the Squid Sister. Suddenly Shoebox was impaled from behind with a spear, she lost her grip on the trigger and fired a shot that narrowly missed Marie. She cries her final tears as she slowly loses her life, failing to end her grudge. She felt regret for the monster she’d raised Browning into, but she loved him so dearly. She didn’t want this.

It was Jesse who stood behind Shoebox. They smiled at Marie as Shoebox’s corpse hit the floor and melted into ink.

“Hey there.” Jesse says, pointing out their cybernetic arms. “I’m here to kill you.”

“Bring it on, fuckslice.” Marie screamed, pulling out dualies from her metaphorical ass. “Nobody kills Marie Gauge!”

Suddenly Jesse got their right leg chopped off. An Inkling stood over them, wielding an axe. They were seen again.

“...Hildabroth?” Marie was concerned. She hadn’t seen her estranged sister in years. Well actually...she’d never seen her. Hildabroth was thrown into the sewers as a baby.

“Hello sister, has been long time.” Hildabroth says in thick accent. “Now is time for your death...Haha I kid!”

“O-oh.” Marie stands up and smiles. “It’s so great to see you.” Hildabroth was a 9’5” fuck truck with huge squiddies. She also wore boots. That’s it. Is she wearing anything else? Who knows. She wears her tentacles as a dress. It’s the newest Gucci fashion statement.

“Marie, are you still of Squidmeat Saloon?” Hildabroth asks, picking up the E-Liter 4k that the dead Shoebox had dropped. “I not see you for year. Is possible it dissolve?”

“Y-yes. It has dissolved. But I am forming a new one. The Crabmeat Collaborative.” Marie pulled that information out of her ass, but she had to get Hildabroth to her side. She needed the muscle.

“Ah, may I join?” Hildabroth smiled and licked her lips, excited for violence.

“Of course you can, sis. Of course you can.”

\--

CQ was losing control of the speeding train car as it rushed through the sewer, having detached from the Metro rails. He had to stop it quick. He backflipped out the front window, extended his legs and single-handedly stopped the train dead in its pace. He had the touch, he had the power. Yeah.

“Oh man, that was close. I almost ran this straight into the nuclear fuel pipes that power Inkopolis.” He laughed, adjusting his cap. “Well time to get back to the daily grind.” He started slowly pushing the train car. Very slowly. Extremely slowly. “I failed my own test. At least I’m not exploding.” Then he exploded. But he respawned immediately. Everything was cool.

“Get away from me!” A boy’s voice echoed. CQ knew this was a call to action. He grabbed his Remington Model 1100 Shotgun from the train. He bought it in 1934 from an elderly sea angel behind a Wendy’s. That was a story for another time though, it involved time travel.

“I’ll get away when you’re fuckin’ dead.” Mark yelled, crabwalking after Hank. He was brandishing 40 knives and eating a meat. Hank ran passed CQ, screaming like a murder victim. CQ uncocked his shotgun and then cocked it again. He blew Mark, then blew him away. Then he swallowed him whole, just like in his college days.

“...T-thank you?” Hank turns to face CQ. “Wait...are you-”

“Hey kid, I’m CQ Cumber. I saved the world, if you don’t remember.” He puts on sunglasses. “I defeated Grumbo McScrumbo. You remember him, right? He was the fuck-demon.”

“Uh...okay?” Hank was scared, but also relieved. Nobody had ever shown such kindness except Benny. And his parents. And his siblings. And Connor of the Coral Reef Channel. He worked as a public access intern for a while, and Connor was a nice man. There had also been a single backstreet boy, but he kept to himself. He also wore leather a lot. It was weird.

“What’s a funky little man like you doing down here in the sewers?” CQ asks, drinking a beer he got from the sewer waters.

“Well, Marie is tryin-”

“Marie?!” CQ spits the beer out and screeches. “She killed my son. She shot his plane down as he flew over Deca Tower. That’s how his plane killed all those children.”

“O-oh?!” Hank put a hand over his mouth. Marie was even more evil than he’d thought. “Did she...really do that?”

“Fuck yeah she did! I saw her do it!” He yelled furiously. “She gloated towards me. She took my beautiful little Land Q Cumber away. Then she married my son Jimboman and vored my daughter Sky. Then she vored Jimboman in front of me at their wedding.”

“What the actual fuck.” Hank states, disturbed. Why was vore a thing? Who teaches that in college?

Suddenly an Inkling peeks his head out from a sewer pipe. It was Rider.

“Oh give me a second to take care of this.” CQ says. He picked up Rider and cradled him for a moment. “Don’t worry, everything will be okay.” He whispers. Then he grows a large hairy human leg.

“Wait, who the fuck?!” CQ was about to punt Rider, but Hank stopped him at the last second.

“Mister, we can use this boy’s help!” Hank declares. CQ thought for a moment, pondering over the choice. He decided to punt Rider anyway. But Hank turned into an M249 light machine gun and killed CQ. He was seen again later. Rider fell to the floor.

“D-did you...just save my life?” Rider asks. Hank smiled at him.

“Yes I did! You’re okay!” Hank sighs with relief. That’s when he appeared. It was Goggles. He was Rider’s gay husband. He was Rider’s fourth husband to be specific. He’d also been his first. And his second. And his third. But not his third and a half, that was someone else. His name was Crumbus, from across the street. They were in love for a bit until Crumbus was splatted by Marie in cold blood. Crumbus was wearing cold blooded gear, and Marie used cold blood to kill him.

“I am here to be queer.” Goggles stated, eating a donut. “And to be a heroic figure equivalent to Squeesus.” Goggles gets crucified later in life. He stole a donut. But that’s not for another 87 years. He’s already dead when he’s crucified. Just like my heart.

“Ah yes, my gay husband is here.” Rider states. “We are going to make out in the darkness now.” The two hold hands and walk off into the shadows.

“I uh...huh.” Hank sits down and waits for them to be done. That’s when somebody peeks from the other darkness.

“Backstreet’s back. Alright.” Hachi states. He was the single backstreet boy.

“Oh, hey Hachi.” Hank states. “...Wait why are you in the sewer?”

“Because it’s where the cool kids hang out.” Hachi does the Fortnite dance. Including the music, which emanates from existence itself. You could faintly hear Browning screaming.

“Do you know where Marie is?” Hank asks. Hachi knew where everybody was. Except himself. He used to know. But then the incident happened.

“Oh, she’s in the toilet.” Hachi answers, eating a fresh McChicken from 30 years ago. It was fresh 30 years ago. “She’s pursuing you.”

“Yeah, I know she’s pursuing me.”

“But now she’s got an ally. The long lost Squid Sister Hildabroth. She’s a 4’20” fuckhuggin.” Hachi sank back into the darkness. “Anyways I got a doctor appointment, see ya.”

“Good luck.” Hank says, waving goodbye. “That was nice.” Hank whispers.

“Alright we are done with the poundtruckin’!” Goggles states, him and Rider emerging from the darkness.

“We both screeched like spider monkeys.” Rider exclaims.

\--

Jennifer looked up, hearing the call of the spider monkeys. She was dragging Benny behind her. Benny was unconscious.

“Ah, the horn call.” Jennifer whispers. “It is time.” She put on her gorilla suit. Benny stirred.

“W-where am I?” She looked up to see Jennifer in her gorilla suit, which was coated in sticky liquids. They were all types of syrups. What did you think they were? You perv.

“You’re in the fuckzone now.” Jennifer scrundles. “We are going to the furry convention across town. I am a gorilla.” She gestures to her filth. Benny scooted back. 

“I’m not a furry. I’m just a normal girl. Don’t drag me into your demented subcultures.”

“Oh. Then I will skip it this year.” Jennifer took off the gorilla suit and jammed it into a bag. “Ya know, I don’t think that horn call was real. It sounded false. Like two men gettin’ the borgin on.”

“I’m only 19.” Benny states. “Let me live.”

“No.” Jennifer smiles. “You are in our world now, not yours.”

“I don’t wanna be.” Benny cries. She curls up into a fetal position. “I just want to go home! I want Hank back!”

“Well if you don’t work with me, Hank will be dead!” Jennifer screams.

“Who the fuck is hurting Hank?” Benny has pulled the Splattershot from Jennifer’s belt and stands ready.

“Oh, now we’re talk-” Jennifer was splatted. Benny lowered the Splattershot. 

“I’m going to cleanse the world of your kind.” Benny states, smiling sadistically. Strangely enough, she was not going mad. She just knew that the most dangerous people were part of her life now. It was time to exterminate them. And what was wrong with having fun in the process?

\--

Ded and Callie walked through a sewer pipe, staring ahead. They stood back to back, ready to attack anything that came their way. 

“We have to find a way to the surf-” Callie saw a door to the surface. “Oh...I guess when the entire world is weird as fuck people make very strange architecture.”

“This feels like a trap.” Ded states, she flexes her arms as a warning to anybody on the other side. She would make them suffer.

“Honestly, I don’t think anybody is smart enough for that.” Callie responds, opening the door. On the other side is the rotting corpse of Cap’n Cuttlefish. There was a dirt hole in the ceiling, and a broken casket lining the room. The dirt beneath his grave had given way. Callie felt nothing.

“Alright, let’s get out of this shithole and get help.” Ded states, running up to Callie and kneeling to give her girlfriend a boost. Callie gladly took the opportunity and was launched up to the surface. She reached down and pulled Ded up. They were in the Inkopolis Community Old Person Abandonment Graveyard. It was located next to the home.

“Oh look, the home.” Callie states. “That’s where Agent 4 is! She was too normal, so Marie had her put away. I don’t know how she’s doing, let’s check in!”

“Aight.” Ded responded reluctantly. “You sure this is safe?”

“Totally.” Callie assures her.

The home was decrepit. The front door had been ripped off its hinges. Dust coated every surface. The beaks of Inklings and Octolings dotted the floor. A tv was on, playing only static.

“Maybe it’s not as safe as I thought.” Callie points out rather obviously. 

Dangling from the ceiling by a wire was Agent 4, who had been entangled in said wire.

“Hey guys, welcome to the home.” Agent 4 greets the two. “Marie was here to visit yesterday. She killed everybody I knew and loved. Except you guys! I’m so glad you’re here!”

“What in the fuck?! Is this what my cousin does?!” Callie screeched. “How did I ever think that was normal?!” She buried her head in Ded’s chest and cries in #8: regret. 

“Hey it’s all cool. I’m just hangin’ from a wire, so do you think you can get me down?” Agent 4 asked, clearly trying to keep her cool. She had not been driven to weirdness by Marie, she was safe. For now. Nah, she was always cool.

“Oh yeah! I’ll get on that!” Ded shoots the wire, sending 4 falling to the ground.

“I’m okay!” Agent 4 yells. “Just a broken asparagus.”

“We know a guy who can fix that.” Callie states.

They took Agent 4 to a real doctor. His name was Gregory. He was a sea angel who Callie went to regularly. He was a good guy. A professional of his professional profession.

“So you’re fine, but please don’t fall 20 feet again.” Gregory advises to 4. 

“No promises.” 4 responds. “I get into bad situations a lot. Especially when Marie is involved. She terrifies me. She tried to make me her wife. But I went to the home for refusing.”

“Oh.” Gregory states. “Well uh...good luck with that.” He left.

“Can we go get some food or something? I was trapped in wire for a whole day I need fuckin’ nourishment.” 4 exclaims.

“I guess.” Callie responds.

\--

Hank walked alongside Goggles and Rider. He heard Hachi walking through the darkness, apparently his doctor was here in the sewers. Some guy named Dr. Spung. 

“Have we reminded you we’re gay?” Goggles asks Hank, holding Rider’s two hands with his one. “Cause we’re gay.”

“Yeah, we are.” Rider smokes. Nobody knows what he smokes. But he does.

“What are you smoking?” Hank asks.

“Jellyfish Squeezins’.”

“Ew.” Hank responds. That was unsavory. And illegal in most counties. Including this one. The heathen.

“We’re looking for our son.” Rider explains. “He’s one of the few normal people in this world. He can stop Marie, who killed Goggles’ friends. Not the Blue Team, just his other ones. Except Skull. He’s in a wheelchair and his mouth is now a proboscis, just like my dad.”

“I want vengeance.” Goggles utters, clenching his fist. 

“What was your son like?” Hank asks.

“We haven’t seen him in years. Rider donated to a friend of ours, Headphones, to have our child. She gave birth to our son, who in her honor we named Headphones Jr. Then he was kidnapped by somebody. We never found them.”

“Wait a minute...kidnapped?” Hank’s eyes widened. He’d been kidnapped as a child. The police said he was not the biological child of his “mother.” Could it be…? He had to test something. He approached Hachi in the darkness. “Can I borrow your headphones?” Hank asked of him.

“Aight. I need to leave them with somebody before I go into the doctor.” He hands Hank his Squidlife Headphones. “I’ll be back soon.” He went through a door to the doctor’s office.

“I’m nuttin’.” A voice faintly said. Then the sound of a ticking time bomb rang out. Suddenly there was a loud explosion. Hachi came out.

“Wow, that was a weird doctor appointment.” Hachi remarks. “Apparently I can’t wear headphones anymore. You take them. The doctor said they make me look ugly, so I decided to listen to his advice.”

“Oh. Okay.” Hank put the headphones on. He turned to Rider and Goggles, whose eyes widened.

“H-Headphones Jr?!” Rider exclaimed in shock, dashing towards Hank and crying loudly. He had never cried before, so his eyes were dry. He embraced Headphones Jr. and buried his head in Hanks’ shoulder. 

“I can’t believe it!” Goggles yelled, also embracing his newfound son. They had not recognized their own son without headphones. Hank was slightly unnerved by this, but was happy to be reunited with his dads.


	3. The Only Answer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING! This chapter contains suicidal ideation, eye horror, body horror, child murder, corruption, forced murder, unwilling accomplice, dismemberment, heavy gore, cannibalism, needles/IVs, brainwashing, human hunting, hanging, mention of child abuse, PTSD, description of an anxiety attack, depression, forced transformation, and strangulation. 
> 
> Please be alert before reading and do not read if such themes disturb or disgust you. Thank you.

Headphones sat on the doorstep, smoking three (7) cigars. Not really, that wouldn’t be healthy. It’s not healthy, but she’s smoking a single cigarette. She sighed and stared at the ground. She was depressed. Like honestly. She felt empty, alone. Everybody on Blue Team was at work now. She didn’t have a job at the moment. Her worth felt minimal. There was nothing that made her happy anymore. She wanted to cry, but could never bring herself to. Life was full of disappointments, she thought. Maybe the world was better off without her.

“Ma'am, I have a package for you.” A woman’s voice asked. She looked up to see a woman wearing a visor.

“What the fuck do you want, Jersey?” Headphones threw her cigarette at Jersey’s feet. She stood up and cracked her knuckles. “Stay away from my house, you little skank.”

“Oh, I’m a skank huh? Well I’m also the one with the highest batting average in the local baseball leagues. Also, I’m the biggest whore in Inkopolis before Marie.” She responded proudly, taking out a bat from behind her back. Headphones calmly walked back into the house and came back out with a machete. 

“I’ve been ready for this day. I’ve been ready to end your fucking worthless life, you piece of trash.” Headphones laughed excitedly. Jersey hissed and ran off in fear. “Little coward squitch.” Headphones flipped her off and sat back down.

“You fucking freak!” Jersey yelled, running off to plan for her next violent plan. If only Headphones knew that before her had been the woman who had kidnapped her son. The woman who tormented him. Ripped away his memories of his family. Morphed him into a freak of nature that turns into a gun.

“Bitch.” Headphones looked at her phone. Her lockscreen picture was her from 19 years ago. She held her newborn son. “...I still miss you.” She whispered. 

“Headphones, are you alright?” Bobble walked up to the house. She’d just gotten home from work. “You look down.” She smiled brightly. “Can you tell me what’s wrong?”

“I don’t know what’s wrong anymore.” Headphones said. “Everything is numb. Everyone looks like incoherent blobs to me. Why the fuck does life matter?” Bobble sat beside her and put an arm around her wife.

“Hey, everything is fine. You’ll be okay.” Bobble said. “We’re here for you, and everything will turn out okay in the end. Come on, let’s go inside. We gotta get dinner started anyway.” 

“...Okay.” Headphones feigned a smile. “I was thinking of making calamari.”

“Sweet! Let’s go make it, hon.” Bobble helped Headphones up. They went inside, and began to prepare dinner. Glasses should have been coming home soon, too.

\--

Marie chuckled softly, eating a soft bun. She stared at Hilda tearing the skin from an innocent young Inkling, no older than 14. He cried out in pain, his existence torn away in mere moments. 

“You’re doing great, sweetie!” Marie yelled out to her sister. She enjoyed the amazing sight of Hilda’s brutality. It brought her a sweet sense of joy. Though not as great as the joy she felt committing the atrocity herself. “The next one should scream louder.” She pointed to a young Octoling bound on the floor, who was crying loudly.

“I’ll make sure she feels every last second of it.” Hilda picked up the Octoling, sliding a small ice pick from her belt. Hilda laughed quietly. The Octoling shook violently and convulsed, attempting to break away. That’s when Hilda brought the ice pick to the Octoling’s eye, piercing through the soft flesh. Liquid cascaded from it as the Octoling cried loudly.

“Stop! Stop!” The Octoling begged, choking out words through the pain. Hilda drew the ice pick out and moved it over to the other eye.

“Are you ready to feel death?” Hilda asked, sliding the ice pick into the other eye. The Octoling released a loud wail of pain once more. Hilda dropped her to the floor, cutting the ropes that bound her. The Octoling climbed to her feet and ran forward desperately, slamming into a wall and falling to the floor. Hilda walked over and giggled. “Somebody’s trying to run, huh?” She raised her foot up and slammed it down on the Octoling’s head. Her head caved in and brain matter erupted from her head.

“Good job!” Marie exclaimed, giving a thumbs up. “The next one is mine!” She looked down to a crying Inkling, who had his arms bound behind his back. Marie laughed and gently stroked his cheek. She slid a knife from her belt. “Tell me your name.”

“...Glasses.” The Inkling chokes out. “P-please, don’t do this. I have a family to get home t-” She poked the tip of the knife against his cheek and smiled.

“I remember when you were a young one. You used to play Turf War, right? Used to be pretty good.” Marie recalled, licking her lips. “I’ll make this quick then. I’m fond of you.”

“I-I don’t want to die.” He choked out. He struggled to break free of his bindings, but they were too strong. “I’ll do anything! Please!”

“...Anything, huh?” Marie lowered her knife. “Do you know a woman named Jersey? I’ve heard she’s the mother of a young boy named Hank. He’s my husband, and I’ve misplaced him. Now I need to find him and make sure he gets what’s owed to him.”

“I...I know Jersey. She lives d-down the street from us.” Glasses answered. “I’ll take you there!”

“...Deal.” Marie cut his bindings. “But first…” She handed Glasses the knife and pointed to a bound Octoling. “I need you to finish this pact.”

“N-no!” Glasses screamed. “I w-won’t do that!”

“It’s either them...or you.”

“...Do you promise I get to see my family again?”

“Of course, I wouldn’t lie.”

“...Okay.” Glasses got to his knees beside the Octoling. He held the knife to her throat. She stared at him, her eyes almost seeming to be begging for life.

The knife pierced the soft flesh.

\--

“Okay, so we gotta find the way out of here soon.” Jesse remarked. They had a new cybernetic leg. They’d tagged along with a young Inkling and an elderly jellyfish, who had escaped the clutches of a green tinted squid.

“I need to get home, so we need to make sure we get out soon.” The Inkling stated. “My mom must be worried about me.”

“Quiet, Cashmere. Your mom can wait. I don’t care if big girl Bobble needs her little boy to come home.” The Jellyfish stated.

“Fuck off, Bigsby!” Cashmere exclaimed. “My mom is a sensitive lady! She must be breaking down inside right now.”

“Yeah? Well my grandkids must be missing me right now! I’m not throwing a hissy fit right now!” Bigsby yelled.

“Calm the hell down!” Jesse shouted, firing off an N-Zap round that rang out loudly. The two turned to the Octoling in silence. “We need to stay calm and think clearly!”

“...Okay.” Cashmere stroked his hair gently. 

“Fine.” Bigsby sighed.

“I felt a breeze coming from up the way. Maybe there’s a way out through there.” The trio walked up a ways, looking for an exit carefully. They came across a door, the rotting corpse of an old Inkling on the floor. They looked up to see the hole in the ceiling.

“We found our way out boys!” Cashmere exclaimed.

\--

4 greedily consumed a burger, it tasted better than anything she’d eaten at the Institution. This was the first real meal she’d had in eons. Callie and Ded watched her eat the meal, smiles on their faces.

“Thank you so much!” 4 exclaimed. “After Marie put me away, they fed me nothing but fluids. They shoved IVs in me. They didn’t care if it hurt when they did it either. I was nothing but an animal to them. One to hurt and kick around, however they willed.”

“I...never knew.” Callie stated, her head in her hands. “I let her do this. I...helped her do this. What the fuck happened to her?”

“It’s not your fault, Cal.” 4 smiled. “You were just a pawn in her game. Like all of us became. You’re a good person. What she turned you into wasn’t you.”

“...Do you really think that?” Callie asked. “I keep wondering if maybe she dredged up something from the deepest parts of me. Something that wanted to hurt people. Wanted nothing to do with life. Didn’t really show concern for her wife.”

“No, that was not you!” Agent 4 climbed on top of the table. “Marie made you think you were that!”

“She’s right. Marie made us believe ourselves to be disgusting creatures and made us accept it.” Ded stated, stroking Callie’s head. “You’re a good person, you always were and you always will be. Now please, show me that smile I love so much.” Callie lifted her head from her hands, looked at Ded and sniffled.

“O-okay.” Callie smiled warmly. Ded laughed softly, pulling Callie close and pressing a kiss to her lips. She pulled away and gripped one of Callie’s hands. 

“Everything will be fine. We’re together. We feel good now.” Ded grinned.

“Hey guys…” Agent 4 piped up. “I forgot something while I was in the Institution.” Ded stood up.

“Well then, let’s go get it.” Ded stated happily. “Tell me what it is, hon.”

“...I don’t know what my name is anymore.”

\--

Benny walked along the path, gently stroking the gun she held in her hands. She had an emotionless expression on her face. She couldn’t feel a thing right now. A bespectacled Inkling passed her. She turned to him.

“Sir?” Benny tried to get his attention. He freezed suddenly, his body shaking.

“Y-yes?” He turned to her. He had a small spot of blood on his left cheek. A fresh gash on his right.

“Can you tell me where to find a woman named Bobble? She teaches a class at my school and I wanted to talk to her. I wanted to know if she’s seen Hank at all. I know that he’s gone but...maybe there’s hope she saw him.”

“...Hank?” Glasses felt a chill run down his spine. That name was one Marie had dropped. Her husband, apparently. Glasses slowly reached for the knife in his pocket. Marie had told him...to end any ties that might give Marie away.

“I just want my friend back.” Benny looked down at the ground, tears suddenly running from her eyes. Glasses snapped from his thoughts and took a deep breath.

“...I...I live with Bobble. I can take you there. I have somewhere to go so I can drop you off.” He answered honestly. “Do you mind a long walk?”

“I don’t mind.” Benny smiled weakly. “As long as I can see my favorite teacher.”

“...Let’s go.” Glasses took Benny’s hand gently and lead her along.

They reached the house, where Glasses parted way and continued walking. A tall female Inkling, possibly nine feet tall, passed by Benny. She was traveling the same direction as Glasses, but Benny just assumed she was a resident of the neighborhood despite her...strange appearance. She waltzed up to the door and knocked eagerly.

\--

Marie threw Jersey against the wall. She planted a sharp heel on one of her legs and impaled it into her flesh. Jersey cried out.

“Why?!” Jersey screamed. Marie pulled the heel out and bends over, meeting eyes with the Inkling. 

“Because you’re just so darn cute. I wanna see you cry. I bet you make such a cute face when somebody bashes that lil’ stomach of yours in. Let’s try it out!” She gestured across the room. Glasses walked over, a reluctant look on his face. He was holding a sledgehammer in his arms. “Now do me a favor honey. Hurt her. Hurt her as much as you can.”

“D-do I really have to?” Glasses asked, horror on his face. “I...I can’t rightfully look the girls in the eyes again if I do this.”

“Well that just makes things sweeter, don’t it?” Marie laughed excitedly. “But she can avoid this fate if she tells us where her little boy is.”

“The state took him from me years ago!” Jersey screamed. “I don’t know!”

“Oh, don’t bring up that bullshit to me. Any reliable pet owner inserts a chip.” Marie remarked, stroking Jersey’s head. “And you tagged your pet right?”

“...” Jersey looked away, breathing heavily. 

“Hurt her, you little piece of shit.” Marie stood up, pressing herself up against Glasses and stroking his head gently. “Make me proud.” She whispered before pulling away.

“...O-okay ma’am.” Glasses responded. He stood over Jersey. He raised the sledgehammer high over his head. “I-I’m sorry…” He brought the hammer down hard onto Jersey’s stomach. She vomited violently, Marie quickly turning her over to assure she didn’t choke on the bile.

“Tell us how to find your pet.” Marie licked her lips, taking such pleasure in the situation. “I’ll make sure you survive if you tell me.” She picked Jersey up, hugging her close. “Please be a good girl and tell me where he is.”

“N-no, you fucking psycho squitch.” Jersey responded. Marie grimaced and tossed her to the floor. “Glasses, give me my charger.”

“Yes ma’am.” Glasses moved over to a table and picked a charger up off of it. He smiled softly as he handed it over to Marie. Suddenly he caught himself, and returned to a look of horror. “W-what the fuck?” He whispered to himself.

“Thank you, dear.” Marie said kindly, leaning over and kissing him on the cheek. She aimed the charger at one of Jersey’s legs. She shot at full strength, completely severing the limb. Jersey cried out in pain. The heat of the fresh blast had cauterized her wound. “Did it hurt? Please tell me if it hurt. I wanna know. I wanna know!” She panted loudly, talking excitedly. 

“...It felt like nothing.” Jersey responded, smiling. It had been some of the worst pain she’d ever felt, but she couldn’t let her feel the satisfaction. Marie frowned, a look of true disappointment on her face. 

“Nothing? Nothing?!” Marie stomped her foot on the floor. “Nothing?! Nothing?!” She kept repeating the words, growing more and more angry. “What the fuck kind of person loses their leg and feels nothing?!” She got to her knees and shoves her face close to Jersey’s. “You will look me in the eye and describe to me the pain you fe-” Jersey hocked a loogie into her mouth. Marie coughed violently as it went down her throat.

“You aren’t very scary. You’re just a fucking little idol. You’re as cute as the day you were born. Nobody is afraid when they look at you. You can’t break me. I’m the woman you fear. I’m the woman you always fear. Yet I’m also the one you desire.”

“...” Marie’s eye twitched. She smiled brightly. “You think you can talk to me like that? I’m so much better than you. I didn’t turn a boy into a fucking monster. I didn’t make a freak of nature that can’t ever happily live again. You made a living weapon. A person who only exists to hurt others. The only reason he hasn’t hurt people out of malice is because you didn’t keep your hands on him.”

“But I haven’t killed as many people as you have. And you’ve hurt all the people in your life. While most of the ones in mine are ignorant. They live their lives as they should. You can’t tell me with a straight face that anybody you know is who they were when you first knew them. Because they didn’t meet your criteria. What you needed to get off was foreign to them.” Jersey smiled. “Did I hit the nail on the head, slut?”

“Slut?!” Marie screamed. “You think I’m gonna sit here and take this abu-” Suddenly something hit the back of Marie’s head. Glasses laughed loudly as the sledgehammer collided with her noggin. She collapsed. She turned her head weakly, clinging to life.

“Who’s the weak one now?” Glasses asked, looking down at her. He raised his boot and stomped on her back. “Tell me, who’s the weak one now?!”

“Would you be so kind as to hand me a charger?” Jersey asked, propping herself up. Glasses smiled and tossed the charger over to her. 

“I...I’m too strong for this. You c-can’t kill me. I’m...the god to all of you.”

“That’s bullshit and you know it. See ya in the next life, you little squid whore.” Jersey launched a full power shot, blowing Marie’s head to bits...but then the two started laughing. Glasses collapsed to his knees, bellowing out his happiness. Jersey was releasing all her pent up emotion. They stared one another dead in the eye as they laughed. They both felt the rush. They both felt the power.

“...I want to do more of this.” Glasses uttered. “No wonder she got off on it.” He whispered.

“You and I are on the same wavelength, pal.” Jersey dropped the charger on the floor. “Get me to the back room, I can fix myself up in there. Then you and I are gonna have a little chat. That sound good...partner?”

\--

Hank had his arms around his dads, they were all laughing merrily. They’d just woken up from a night’s sleep and were ready to face the new day.

“Wow, your friend Benny sounds pretty cool!” Goggles said, chuckling. “Can she really play a keyboard that fast?”

“Oh man! She can do it faster than anybody else I’ve ever met.” Hank responded excitedly.

“Cod, I can’t believe we missed out on so much of your life.” Rider laughed heartily. The three family members embraced again.

“Hey guys...what’s that up ahead?” Hachi pointed to a picture of a seahorse projected onto a wall. It was like a cheap grade school stencil. Many sewer pipes around them had been boarded up, leaving only one open. The picture of a seahorse was hanging over the one remaining pipe.

“...We have no other choice.” Rider stated. “We don’t really have any weapons strong enough to break down all these boards.”

“True, but this could be dangerous.” Goggles responded hesitantly. He held his son’s hand tightly. “I wouldn’t want anything bad to happen to our boy right after he’s come back to us.”

Hachi walked through the pipe, going ahead to make sure everything would be safe.

“Wait here guys!” Hachi called back. “I’ll be back soon.” The family huddled together and waited beside the pipe.

“Headphones, are you feeling okay?” Goggles asked. “Anything we can do to make you feel more comfortable?”

“No, I’m fine! It’s just nice to have you here!” Hank responded.

What seemed to be an hour passed. Hachi did not return. 

“We should go make sure he’s okay.” Rider said, picking up a wooden board from the water. 

“Yeah!” Goggles exclaimed. “Nobody left behind!”

“Come on! Let’s go get him!” Hank yelled, running ahead. He climbed through the sewer pipe and emerges into a thin tunnel dotted with pictures of seahorses. Rider and Goggles followed behind him, on edge.

“...Welcome.” A woman’s voice emerged through crackling speakers. A gate slammed down over the pipe. “I already found one of y’all. I left him for you to find.”

“Another one of these.” Hank sighed. “We have to find Hachi really fucking quick. That voice is Agent 8. She is a sick little piece of shit.” 

“Didn’t she jump ship years ago after she murdered that one fellow?” Rider stated.

“Yeah, she jumped...Army. Years back, she just assaulted him. She beat him senseless. Left him a paste. She...ate his flesh. When she was asked why she did it she responded ‘Cannibalism was the only answer.’” Goggles sighed, trying not to tear up. “I was the one who...found him.”

“Wait, it was you?” Rider asked, turning to his husband. “You never told me.”

“Nobody wants to talk about seeing somebody brutalized like that. It just made me feel like such filth. I wished I could have...saved him. I should have been there earlier.” Goggles was forcing back his tears.

“He tasted better than any flesh I’d consumed.” 8’s voice erupted loudly once more. “I made him cry. I saw why Marie felt so good when she did these things. It was an orgasmic experience.” She giggled. “I never did it again. But I craved it. I needed it. It’s been decades. But I’m getting what I want. And you’re going to give it to me.”

Hank dashed ahead, relentlessly moving through the tunnel. Goggles and Rider chased after him, not willing to let him be alone. They came to a large opening in the tunnel. They found Hachi. He was hanging by a noose from the ceiling, choking loudly. He had clearly been freshly hung. He was scratching at the rope, but his claws had been trimmed. Hank turned into a rifle and shot the rope in twine. Hachi hit the floor, breathing heavily. Hank rushed up to him and hugged him tightly.

“Are you okay, buddy?” Hank asked kindly, stroking Hachi’s head.

“S-she…” He gasped for air. “She beat me with the butt of a blaster. It was the old Kamabo model. Like she was trying to taunt me. She wanted to remind me.”

“Remind you of what?” Hank asked.

“...Of the days when I suffered deep underground. She looked so familiar to me, and I know why. She was the other one designated 10,008. Even back then she...had a sadistic glint in her eye. There’s something that’s always been off about her. A hunger.” He was breathing quickly, stress overtaking him. He clutched his chest. “She never got to have her hunger satisfied. There was so little food in the Metro. She always stared at the sanitized octolings, drool dripping from her mouth. Whenever I asked her why she looked like this, she would look me in the eye and jokingly state ‘Cannibalism is the only answer.’”

“...What the actual fuck.” That was a phrase Hank had repeated many times over the last few days. But this time it really meant something. He was disturbed. There was something truly demented about the situation he was in. Before it had been so detached. So unreal. But now humanity was binding itself to the world around him. He felt every single emotion that emanated. Agent 8 was thinking. She was aware. She had desires. She had fears. She wanted to achieve her goals. Despite her demented nature, she was a living, breathing thing. Hank wasn’t going to let her win though, because her life meant nothing to him. She tried to murder Hachi. She was going to hurt them all.

She had to die.


	4. Surprise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains elements and imagery of Human Hunting, Suicidal Ideation, Description of PTSD, Graphic Violence, Murder, Corruption, Unwilling Body Modification, Entomophobia/Arachnophobia, Hallucinations, House Invasion, Decapitation and potentially other triggers.
> 
> Please read with caution.

Hilda sat outside of Bobble and Headphones’ house. She was waiting. Benny had gone in yesterday. But she had not come out. Hilda thought Benny looked like a satisfying kill. A young girl with so much energy and fight emanating from her. She had given up following Glasses. This looked so much more fun.

The door opened up and Headphones came out, wearing a robe. She picked up a newspaper off the front porch, staring at it for a moment. She looked up for a moment, seeing Hilda waiting across the street. Headphones looked uncomfortable for a moment, quickly going back inside.

“Don’t go,” Hilda whispered as the door closed. “We haven’t had our fun yet.” She starts walking across the street, drooling and panting. “Come back and play.” A car pulled to a stop suddenly in front of her. The Octoling looked angry and slammed a hand on the horn.

“Hey, get out of the road fuckface!” The Octoling yelled. Hilda stared at him for a moment. She casually walked over to him, reaching a hand through the window and dragging him out. “W-what the fuck are you doing?” The Octoling had fear in his voice.

“Don’t lose your head.” She gripped the top of his head and starts turning it. Her strength was impressive, as she turned it far enough his neck’s flesh began to tear. She pulled violently, tearing his head away. She laughed excitedly as she dropped the body and clapped her hands. “I love when I get to play with little toys.” She stuffed the corpse back into the car and pushed it over into the emergency lane. 

She was tired of waiting though. She walked up to the porch of the house. These were the toys she wanted to play with. This would be so exciting. These little dolls, full of flesh. She knocked on the door and smiled excitedly. A maid opened the door.

“Oh, hey there. May I ask what your business here is, Miss?” Hilda did not wait a second, refusing to answer the question and gripping the maid by the face. She crushed the maid’s head at once in her hand. She dropped the body to the floor and walked listlessly into the house. Benny was seated on a chair close by, frozen in fear as the colossus of a woman stared her down. 

“...Wanna play?” Hilda asked of the young lady. Benny stood up immediately and ran up the stairs, screaming her lungs out. Hilda smiled and followed excitedly. Headphones dashed into the front room, holding a charger. She was still clad in her robe, having been pulled away from making breakfast.

“Get the fuck out of our house!” Headphones yelled, holding the charger up. Hilda laughed loudly. She picked up the machete sitting next to the door.

“You don’t scare me, little one.” Hilda rushed Headphones, who blasted a full power shot into the large Inkling. Hilda simply staggered, almost unfazed by the blow. Headphones’ eyes widened, panic filling her body. Hilda dashed forward, grabbing Headphones by the head with her free hand. With ease, she threw the woman across the room. Headphones crashes into a container full of plates, groaning loudly in pain as glass shards buried themselves into her. Bobble ran in from upstairs, holding a Slosher.

“Get away from my wife!” Bobble splashed ink on Hilda, who flinched for a moment.

“...You’re the worst toys I’ve ever played with,” Hilda stated, disappointment in her voice.

\--

Pearl was slumped against the wall, staring at the ceiling. Her body was in pain. Her mind was moving a mile a minute. She felt wrong. She couldn’t remember the last few goddamn months of her life...or was it years even? Her beautiful Marina approached her. The Octoling pulled her close and smiled at her. Her comfort was not comforting though. What the fuck was wrong with this whole situation.

“Marina… let me go,” Pearl whispered desperately. “I need to go. Aren’t we supposed to be practicing for the biggest concert of our lives? I love you so much but...we need to be adults.”

“You know I can’t let you go, Pearlie.” Marina uttered. Her voice sounded so off... Synthetic, even. Pearl felt something in her go off. She slid a switchblade from her pocket and immediately embedded it into Marina’s forehead. Marina screeched. It sounded like a demon. Pearl backed away, the pretty world around her melting away into a dully colored sewer. Marina melted away into a dead worm-like creature, coated in hairs and with spider-like legs.

“...I knew something about you was fucked up. Marina was never that smothering,” Pearl whispered, kicking the corpse. A screech echoed from down the tunnel. Pearl looked up to see another one of those things waiting. Staring from the ceiling. Pearl screamed and ran as fast as she could in the first direction she looked. As she ran, she noticed all around her the pipes were boarded up. The only one open had a projected image of a seahorse hanging above it. There was only one path to go down, so she took it. When she came out on the other side, a gate slammed down behind her. She heard the creature screaming, banging at the gate.

“Yeah, get fucked!” Pearl yelled. “You ugly ass motherfucker.” The speakers jolted to life.

“Ah, new prey. I’ve been hoping for you to come around,” Agent 8 said, laughing softly. “Welcome to my game, you fuckin’ dwarf.”

\--

“We can’t remember your name, 4,” Ded tragically admitted. The group had tried for a long time to recall it, to find her name somewhere; but Marie had scrubbed it from all of their minds, to make 4 disappear.

“...I’ll just make up a new one then, for the time being.” 4 stood up tall, putting her hands on her hips and exuding confidence.

“What kind of name is it going to be, sweetie?” Callie asked excitedly. “I bet any name would sound lovely for you.”

“I wanna be Chestnut,” 4 yelled. “It’s a nice name!”

“Oh my god...that’s so cute.” Ded was ready to cry from the overload of emotion. Callie had to hold her so she wouldn’t start crying.

“If you want to be Chestnut, we’re behind you one-hundred percent!” Callie gave her a thumbs up and a huge grin.

“Then I’m Chestnut now!” Chestnut exclaimed happily, satisfied with her new name. She jumped in place excitedly, doing a little dance.

“It’s precious to see somebody smile right now.” Ded held Callie tightly, stroking her head. “We managed to help somebody reach happiness after spreading so much misery.”

“Yeah, it feels good,” Callie responded.

\--  
“Cashmere, eat your food,” Jesse said to the young Inkling. “I paid good money for that.”

“I’m not hungry,” Cashmere barked back, pushing his tray of food away harshly. His stomach growled loudly right after he did so. Bigsby sighed, rolling his eyes.

“Are you going to make Jesse spending money a worthless gesture?” Bigsby asked, munching on a french fry. “You’re a spoiled little brat.”

“Shut the fuck up!” Cashmere yelled, slamming his hands on the table. “You’re just an old fuck with no manners. Why would your opinion matter to me?”

“Show some respect for your elders, boy!” Bigsby exclaimed. “You ain’t seen shit in y’all’s little life.” The jellyfish laughed softly, taking a look at the watch on his arm. “Oh wouldn’t you look at the time. It’s Cashmere Needs to Fuck Off o’clock.”

“Hey guys, can we just...calm the hell down?” Jesse sighed. “What’s the point of the constant arguing?”

“It’s because Bigsby can’t keep his little shitty mouth shut!” Cashmere announced, the whole restaurant being able to hear him. “I just wanna go home so I don’t have to deal with him anymore!”

“Oh look, the little boy is throwing a temper tantrum.” Bigsby laughed proudly. “That’s so precious. Does the wittle baby need his bottle?”

“Bigsby, stop fucking taunting him!” Jesse stood up and slammed a fist down on the table with a metallic thunk.

“...F-fine.” Bigsby crossed his arms and silenced himself. 

“Cashmere, you listen up too. I’m not going to take your shit anymore. You are going to behave.” Jesse pointed a finger directly in the Inkling’s face. “We will get you home, but you have to stop acting like a fucking toddler.” 

“Whatever.” Cashmere looked away.

“Stop being such a goddamn baby.” Jesse pushed Cashmere’s tray back towards him. “Now eat.”

“...Fine.” Cashmere started to begrudgingly eat a burger sitting on the tray. He made a soft sound of satisfaction and smiled. “It’s good. I guess.”

“It better be.” Bigsby stated. “Be grateful.” Cashmere shot him a death glare.

“Bigsby, what did I say?” Jesse hissed.

“What? I was just saying, ugh!” Bigsby responded. Cashmere pouted, climbing out of his chair. 

“I have to go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.”

“Don’t fall in.” Bigsby laughed loudly, finding his joke hilarious as could be. 

“Yeah…” The young Inkling wandered away from the table, eyes scanning the restaurant in search of a bathroom. He was not looking in front of him. Cashmere jumped as he bumped into someone. It was an Inkling clad in magenta clothing. She turned to Cashmere and smiled.

“Hey little guy, you alright?” Callie smiled at him and kneeled to be at eye level with him. “You look lost.”

“Uh...I was just looking for the bathroom,” Cashmere responded fearfully, as he looked at her face a memory came clawing back. An Inkling and a Sanitized Octoling. They had bound his limbs in rope. He had been dragged into the sewers and given to a different Inkling, whose tentacles were tinted green. She’d stared Cashmere in the eyes and licked her lips, the sickening desire for carnage ever present in her soul.

“Hey kid, you cool?” Cashmere was snapped from his thoughts at the sound of Chestnut’s voice. She approached him casually and smiled warmly. “You said you needed the bathroom right?” The Inkling pointed to a door across the restaurant. “Right over there, champ.”

“T-thanks ma’am.” He walked away, glancing behind himself. His breathing was panicked and quick. Fear was pulsing through his veins. A cruel god was staring down upon him, forcing him to relive the worst moment of his entire life. He walked into the bathroom, and stared at a mirror dead ahead. Cashmere saw his own warped reflection, which smiled at him.

“You’re not scared of them, are you?” The reflection climbed slowly from the mirror, plopping onto the floor. It stood up straight. “You are a strong boy, aren’t you?”

“...I’m not strong. I couldn’t even get back to my mom by myself.” Cashmere held one arm tightly, staring blankly at the spectre that stood before him. “I’m just a pitiful pile of shit. Nobody believes in me.”

“At least you believe in yourself.” The reflection sank into the floor, moving across the ground like a shadow. It then rose up beside Cashmere and wrapped an arm around him. “Or is even that too much to ask of you anymore?” The Inkling looked at the floor, tears welling up in his eyes. The delicate strings that held his emotions together were at a breaking point. Did he believe in himself anymore? He felt so goddamn worthless in the grand scheme of things, that it was doubtful he did. His chest hurt. His hearts were being crushed under the weight of his own self-hatred.

“What makes me worth believing in?” Cashmere could no longer hold back his feelings. Rivers of tears cascaded from his eyes. He fell to his hands and knees, banging a balled fist against the floor.

“Why even deal with the fear of being believed in?” The reflection held out to him a shard of glass, which had fallen from the bathroom mirror. “You don’t need anybody to believe in you in Heaven.” Cashmere reached out for it, taking it into his hand. He felt it cut into his hand, it stung harshly. He pointed the sharp end towards his neck, and started to bring it close.

“You’re right.” He stated to the shadow, who looked down upon him smiling. “I want to leave this pitiful world. I want to stop being depended on. I want people to stop looking down on me. I need to be gone. Thank you for showing me the light.”

“Kid, did you just wet yourself?” A voice asked. The shadow was gone. Cashmere was still clutching the glass tightly. He was crouched in a puddle, unable to hold it in during the episode. Cashmere dropped the blood stained shard on the floor and stared at it silently, wide eyed. He turned around to face Bigsby, who looked visibly distressed.

“...I’m okay.” Cashmere spoke in a monotone voice, unable to comprehend what had just unfolded. “I just- I just tripped. And when I hit the ground I couldn’t uh, hold it in.”

“Come on, we gotta clean you up.” Bigsby helped Cashmere off the ground, looking him over. “Okay, you didn’t get anything on the rest of you. I just need you to clean this up for me and go wait in a stall for a bit. I’ll run across the street and pick you up some new pants and junk.”

“D-Don’t you hate me though?” Cashmere asked sincerely, feeling the urge to cry once more. “Why would you care?”

“I don’t hate you, kid. We just don’t agree on a lot of things. I’m an old codger. I argue about a lot of shit, to be perfectly honest.” He patted Cashmere on the back softly. “And I gotta make sure this handsome kid gets all cleaned up.”

“I…” Cashmere didn’t know how to respond. He looked down at his bloodied hand, unable to even remember why it was this way. Everything was a blur. He knew he’d picked up glass, but he really didn’t know why. 

“Oof, you nicked yourself pretty bad. I’ll make sure to pick up some gauze and alcohol at the store too. Just don’t touch anything, okay? I’ll have Jesse come keep you company.” Bigsby made sure to give him a soft embrace before leaving.

“...I-I don’t want to die,” Cashmere said with conviction once Bigsby was out of earshot. He picked the shard up off the floor and violently threw it against the wall, shattering it into microscopic pieces. He smiled and stared at the wall for a moment, feeling proud of himself. Strength was running through him. He felt the courage his mother had imbued in him, the one all three of his parents had worked so hard to raise.

Nothing was stopping him now...except cleaning up his own mess, anyways.

\--

Hank held an arm around Hachi as they walked through the tight sewer tunnels. Hachi needed the contact; he couldn’t be alone right now. Goggles and Rider huddled up to the two of them, keeping a close guard.

“She can hear us everywhere,” Hachi whispered ominously. “She’s a master hunter. She always has been. She will track us down, no matter what we do.”

“And then when she finds us, we’ll rip out her fucking stomach,” Hank responded. “And she’ll realize she messed with the wrong family.” Hachi suddenly shot his head up.

“Somebody’s coming. Can you hear it?” Hachi stated, his survival mode kicking in. He bared his teeth and growled. Hank gazed ahead, unable to hear anything. He looked at Hachi curiously.

“There’s nothing there, dude.” Hank held the Octoling tighter. “You’re just hearing things. Just stressed out is all.” That’s when the sound of footsteps pounding against the water became audible to him. Hachi tore from Hank’s grasp, exposing his clipped nails as if they were still a threat. He dashed down the tunnel.

“God, that idiot!” Rider exclaimed, running after the Octoling. Hank and Goggles followed close behind.

“Wait no, let me go you fucking creep!” A girl’s voice echoed through the tunnel. Hank recognized that voice. Why was it so familiar…?

“...Oh fuck, cousin Pearl!” Hank screamed, dashing forward like a maniac. He came upon Hachi, who had a short Inkling pinned beneath him. He held her arms behind her back, though she was struggling vigorously.

“Let go of me you little shit, or I swear to fuckin’ God!” Pearl yelled, attempting to wrestle herself away from the Octoling. Hank was terrified; not for Pearl, but for Hachi. “I will rip out your goddamn beak and shove it up your ugly ass!”

“Hachi, let her go!” Hank exclaimed, running over and taking hold of Hachi. Hachi’s grip on Pearl was too tight for Hank to successfully pull him away.

“She might be a threat though!” Hachi stated, letting out a growl.

“Hachi, you don’t want to do this. Pearl will make you into gravy if she gets her hands on you.” Hank was absolutely serious. Pearl had a temper like a raging whirlpool, like the fury of every deity that existed merged into a horrifying hellscape of anger. Hachi turned to Hank, and in his moment of distraction Pearl launched a boot into his crotch.

“Oh fuck!” Hachi let go and gripped his crotch in pain, collapsing onto his side. That was not just any kick to the crotch, that was a Pearlescent kick. Hachi couldn’t feel anything down there anymore.

“Yeah, take it motherfucker!” Pearl yelled, getting to her feet. “Nobody messes with Pearl Splatoon and lives to tell the goddamn tale!” She began to kick Hachi while he was down. “Filthy little fucks like you get the shit end of the stick!”

“Pearl, no!” Hank had to grapple Pearl away from Hachi now. How the tables had turned. “He doesn’t know better! He’s just an idiot!”

“I’m not letting this kid feel his face ever again!” Pearl screamed, her voice echoing like a thunderstorm. “Lemme at him! Let me fuckin’ at him!”

“Cousin Pearl, calm the fuck down!” Hank turned her around and slapped her across the face. “Listen up and sit the hell down!”

“Let’s not get involved.” Rider whispered to Goggles. “The kids need to handle it amongst themselves.”

“Isn’t Pearl like...fifty?” Goggles asked.

“Yeah, but she’s short enough. She counts.”

“I’m gonna rip your beak out and shove it up your ugly little dwarven ass!” Hachi screamed, climbing to his feet. “And then I’ll send your ass to your mother in the mail!” Pearl pushed Hank away and turned to the Octoling.

“Oh yeah, wanna try?” Pearl smiled eagerly. “I’ll show you why people used to fear me on the playground, little boy.”

“Bring it on!” Hachi balled his fists and let out a harsh growl. “I’ll make it so at your next high school reunion people won’t even recognize you from your yearbook picture!”

“Girls, girls...just make up and kiss already.” Agent 8’s voice came from the speakers. “You’re being so fucking loud. A hunt isn’t fun when literally all of you are screaming at the top of your pasty lil’ lungs.” 

“Oh yeah? Well I’ll show you real pain, bitchface!” Pearl yelled. “Come out here and prove you got the guts!”

“Okay.” The speakers cut out.

“...Pearl, you’ve doomed us all.” Goggles said. “We are going to die and get eaten by a cannibalistic Octoling with a penchant for murder.”

“I second this opinion.” Rider piped up. “We are all going to die thanks to you, Pearl.”

“I third this.” Hachi nodded his head.

“I’ll bust open 8’s head and make sure she dies horribly.” Hank stated casually.

“Well that’s violent.” Goggles stared at his son. “Headphones Jr. you gotta learn not to be so violent.”

“Dad, we are fighting a cannibal. There is literally no precedent in this situation.” Hank pointed out. “I will be non-violent when we are home and not at risk of actual death.”

“Promise?” Rider patted Hank on the head. 

“...Yes, dads.” Hank sighed. “But first I must riddle this Octo-bitch with bullets.”

“That’s metal as fuck, dude.” Pearl stated. “Do you have some cool guns or some shit?”

“No, cousin Pearl. I am the guns.”

“Wait, how the fuck does that work?” Pearl crossed her arms and stared at him.

“It’s a long story. I really don’t think you’ll understand. To be perfectly fucking honest I don’t either.” Hank said rather bluntly.

“Honestly that’s valid.” Pearl responded. “I wish I could turn into a gun though. I’d be poppin’ caps in all these motherfuckers’ asses.”

“Pearl it literally hurts to be a gun. A living body should not be made of metal.”

“Makes sense, honestly. I don’t think metal and organs go together.” Goggles said. 

“I would assume by default that is actually the worst combination there is.” Rider added, scratching his chin. 

“Oh, and my ink is full of lead.” Hank pointed to the grey tinted tips of his tentacles. “And this coloration to my tentacles is permanent.”

“Okay, you just glossed over the lead thing. Please explain this.” Pearl raised a finger, trying to get Hank’s attention. It was exactly the finger Hank expected.

“Pearl-” Hank was cut off by Hachi putting a hand over his mouth.

“Guys, there is...literally a woman with a murder record hunting us as we speak.” Hachi looked like he was ready to die. “And it is very likely, as you all are aware, she wants to eat our goddamn flesh.”

“Oh right...well shit.” Pearl looked down and seemed to be in deep thought. “Maybe we can hide and bum rush her.”

“Maybe we can push her somewhere else.” Rider stated.

“Rider, what does that even mean?” Goggles wondered.

“Well, we can divert her path and move her down a different direction from us.” Rider explained, making hand gestures that nobody really understands.

“...Can you explain it in a way that doesn’t involve your hands?” Goggles requested, being dumb as bricks. 

“Babe, we need to divert her path, as I said. We need to find a way to make her go somewhere else.” Rider sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Oh!” Goggles had his big a-ha moment. It was his first one in years.

“Now, how do we go about pushing her somewhere else?” Hachi asked, taking his shirt off to ready himself for a fight. “I wanna kick this squitch’s ass.”

“Put your shirt back on.” Pearl stated.

“No.”

“Well okay then.”

“We gotta gongulane out of this humjibory.” Goggles stated. Hank’s eyes widened. What the fuck did his dad just say?

“You’re right. This situation is totally bungus.” Pearl responded loudly. “We gotta fuckin’ scramble right outta here.”

“Guys, what the fuck are you talking about?! Why aren’t we running?!” Hank shouted, clapping his hands loudly to get their attention. “Hachi just brought us back to reality and suddenly you're all doing this?!”

“That Oct-ho won’t find us anytime soon, bitch.” Pearl stated proudly. “She isn’t terrib-lying to any of us.”

“SHE IS TO ME!” Hank yelled. “She force fed me the flesh of a young woman after...AFTER YOU SNAPPED HER NECK, PEARL!”

“...Wait, what?” Pearl shook her head and looked Hank in the eyes. 

“Yeah you just came out of nowhere and-” Hank looked up to notice the tunnel had become a dead end. They hadn’t moved an inch. Two large seahorse projections were on the wall, as menacing as seahorses could be. The shadows were...wrong. Distorted, like something was blocking the light.

“Some...something is wrong here,” Hachi said, snapping out of his surreal hysteria. “This doesn’t look right at all.”

The wall seemed to morph into liquid, blending together into the form of an Octoling. The shadowy seahorses blocked the view of her face, except the smiling mouth that eagerly licked its lips. 

“Surprise.”


	5. Source of our Suffering

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains triggering content that includes (but is not limited to) blood, murder, gore, dismemberment, mutilation, eye horror, gratuitous violence, blackmailing, desecration of a corpse, arachnophobia, entomophobia, reality distortion, temporal distortion, suffocation, and fetishization of violence. 
> 
> Please be alert while reading and stay safe.

Hilda clutched Bobble’s head tightly. She was putting pressure on the Inkling’s head, causing her to scream in pain. 

“Little Inklings like you make the best sounds,” Hilda said excitedly. “I could pop you like a grape. Right now.”

“Stay...away from her.” Headphones climbed up, her body full of broken glass. Blood dripped from her wounds, coating the floor in blue. “I will… rip your fucking digestive system out… and make it your next meal. It’s like an… infinite loop if you think about it.”

“Little squid think she’s so tough?” Hilda dropped Bobble on the floor, who held her head in pain. She approached Headphones slowly, a grin spreading across her face. “God forgive you for threatening me.” Hilda licked her lips. 

“Get away from them!” Benny yelled. She came crashing through the railing, landing on top of Hilda. She was wielding a curtain rod, and she was sure as hell ready to use it. Hilda had enough time to only make a small noise of surprise before she was hit with the full force and weight of the inkling being thrown directly into her upper torso.

Benny blindly beat the inkling with her makeshift weapon, bending the end of the metal from the sheer force of the blows she rained down on the woman’s face. The metal decorative end of the rod snapped off in the scuffle. Noticing this, Benny changed her grip on the pole and slammed the hollow end of it directly into Hildabroth’s eye.

The woman shrieked violently, her limbs flailing as she tried to pry the tiny furious inkling off her, but she couldn’t actually grab onto the wildly attacking force. Benny screamed bloody murder, her voice cracking from the noise as she stabbed the pole into Hilda's other eye, blue blood spurting from the orifice and spattering on the girl’s face.

Benny’s eyes were wild; no thought present in her mind as she lost herself to pure, sheer fury. The desire to protect was replaced by desperation to make absolutely fucking sure the woman was dead, and could never come back. Splatting her wouldn’t be enough. Benny had to make sure she never even had the muscles to move again.

Sliding down from the disgusting, broken ghost of a face still left on Hilda’s shoulders, she stabbed her weapon of rage into her right arm. The tendons and muscles severed from one blow, although not nearly as cleanly as she would have once liked. Now, however, the sight of blood no longer disgusted her, but drove her only to continue to beat the body slowly draining of its life force. Calling it desire wouldn’t quite do justice to the emotion Benny felt. It was more like an obligation; it was as if she was fulfilling her purpose in life by stamping out this monster for good.

Who cared if she had a bit of fun in the process? She should be allowed to get satisfaction from seeing the fear written on Hilda’s face and the tears forming from where her eyes should have been as her own medicine was violently forced down her throat. Everyone understood that monsters had to be destroyed. That was just a fact. Who cared if it took another monster to finish the job?

As Benny moved from severing Hilda’s arms down to her legs, she was interrupted by a hesitant, fearful cry from behind her. Bobble was helping Headphones up, shouldering the brunt of her weight. Both women were staring at her in fear.

“Ben- Benny, she’s dead! Please! Stop this, she’s already dead!” Bobble stuttered out, a sob cracking her voice as she trembled under the fierce gaze of the armed inkling.

“I’m making sure she can’t come back. You should thank me for being so thorough; didn’t I save your life?” Benny felt irritation growing under her skin as she slowly stood up, using the rod as a crutch. She was vaguely aware that she had hurt her legs from the fall, but she couldn’t find it in herself to care.

“There’s.... A difference between self-defence and… this,” Headphones wheezed, hacking up blood. The gross sight of it only spiked Benny’s annoyance further, her grip on her weapon tightening. She wanted to bash Headphones’ sorry face in for even suggesting that she was wrong. Benny loomed over the duo, sneering. She caught herself suddenly as she stepped incorrectly and felt the pain from her landing for the first time. The shock of it was enough to startle Benny out of her daze, and she stumbled back.

“What the fuck was I…?” Benny held a blood covered hand over her mouth before suddenly rushing out of the room and out of the house.

Bobble made to call after her but Headphones silenced her with a weak shake of her head. She nudged against her wife, trying to limp towards the back door and coax Bobble to leave with her. She didn’t want to be anywhere near the house or the dead body for any longer than she could help.

“Call emergency services. Let’s get the fuck out of here…” Headphones muttered.

\--

Glasses woke up with a start, breathing heavily. He clutched his chest, hearts beating at a mile a minute. He looked to the other side of the bed, Jersey still asleep beside him. Why was he here? What had gotten into him? There was this soft pang of desire still inside him. He needed more right now. He climbed out of the bed and returned to the front room. Marie’s headless body still lay on the floor, beginning the process of decomposition. 

He softly pressed one of his boots onto her back and pushed down. Her softened flesh gave way, his foot sinking into her. A sharp smell of rotting meat hit his nostrils. 

“Not staying so fresh anymore, huh?” Glasses laughed softly, finding his own joke pretty funny. He moved onto his hands and knees, looming over her body. He gripped one of her arms and brought it to his mouth, biting down on it. He tasted her decaying blood as it rushed into his mouth. He took his mouth away from it and licked the remnants from his lips. “God, you taste like shit.”

“Glasses, help me up!” Jersey yelled from across the house. “I only have one leg right now, so you kinda need to help me out!”

“Just one second!” He shouted back. Glasses stood up and looked down to see an eyeball resting on the floor. He pressed a boot onto it and crushed it, sending the clear ocular fluid all over the place. He scraped the goo off of his boot before going back to Jersey. She was sitting up on the bed, smiling at him.

“So, do me a favor. Can you get me a new outfit from the dresser? I don’t want to be covered in blood all day.” Jersey stroked her tentacles. “And maybe you should go home and change too, once we blow this joint.”

“My wives wouldn’t really appreciate me coming home covered in rotting squid juices, now would they?” Glasses scratched the back of his head and sighed. “But I guess there’s not really much choice. I wouldn’t be able to walk in public like this either.”

“I think I might have some of Mask’s old clothes from when he bummed here a while back.” Jersey pointed towards the closet. “They’d be in there. I keep Hank’s old clothes in there, so I assume Mask’s would be there too.”

“Doesn’t he have hay fever or some shit?” Glasses said with disgust in his voice.

“Oh he was fine when he stayed here.” She laughed loudly. “He was wearing his mask, all his clothes should be contaminant free...I think. Anyways, you do know hay fever is just allergies right? So just because he snotted on his clothes or something doesn’t mean you’re going to get sick.”

“Wait, that’s what hay fever means?!” The Inkling was stunned. “Goggles always told me it was like a horrible disease.”

“Well Goggles lied to you. I bet he still says Father Squidmas exists.”

“He doesn’t?!” Glasses cupped his hands over his mouth. “Oh my God!”

“D-did you really think Father Squidmas was real still?” Jersey buried her face in her hands. “God, you are an idiot.”

“I was telling Cashmere he was real all these years, he’d be so disappointed!” Glasses exclaimed. “My poor boy can’t know that!”

“Yeah, cool.” Jersey rolled her eyes. “Your son doesn’t think an old man breaking into your house is real all of a sudden, how tragic.”

“I know, right!” He had tears flowing from his eyes.

“...Anyways, please get me some clothes. These smell fucking rank.” Jersey plucked a small piece of brain matter from her shoulder and flicked it across the room. “I also don’t need murder fetishist liquids on me. Please.”

“Fine.”

\--

Jennifer’s eyes shot open. She felt like she’d been hit by a fucking truck. The last thing she remembered before respawning was the sight of that girl holding the goddamn Splattershot that belonged to her. She reached for her belt, finding the gun was indeed gone.

“Fuck!” Jennifer yelled angrily. “That little fucking shit faced squitch daughter of a whore with forty nine goddamn children!” She stood up and stomped her foot on the ground. The Inkling picked up a rock off the ground and aggressively threw it at a wall, boring a hole into it. 

“Young lady, are you okay?” A tall Inkling asked, approaching her from behind. “I bet you could use a little help.” Jennifer turned around to face the source of the voice, baring her fangs.

“I don’t need your help assho-” Jennifer abruptly closed her mouth. The tall Inkling wore a long trench coat. His mouth was hanging open, breathing loudly. He licked his lips excitedly, drool running from his mouth; it dripped in thick globs to the ground. Jennifer took a step back upon realizing it was Mr. Grizz of Grizzco.

“Little lady, I’ve been looking all over for you,” Grizz said calmly, his voice rather ominous. “You owe me a great debt. You need to pay up.”

“W-when did I owe you anything?” Jennifer asked, visibly panicking. 

“I found your little puddle drying up in the middle of nowhere. I took you back to my office and allowed you to recover.” Grizz rubbed his hands together greedily. “You owe me, squitch.”

“It’s not like I asked you to do that!” Jennifer yelled. 

“You can’t get out of this. I own you now. You’re my property.” Grizz backed her into a corner of the small room. “And I need you to go somewhere for me.” Jennifer was visibly shaking; nobody had given her a reaction like this before.

“W-where do I need to go, first of all?” Jennifer had given in, her fear overpowering her own strong desires to fight. “A lot of people don’t look on me too fondly, so I’m pretty much banned from most businesses in Inkopolis.”

“I need you to find a lil’ lady for me. Her name is Dedf1sh. She owes me a lot of money.” Grizz smiled sinisterly. “That girl stole from me. She jacked an entire shipment of my golden eggs, dumped them in the ocean. Said my operations were...less than legal. So she took it into her own hands to get back at me.”

“What do you want me to do to her, Grizz?” Jennifer asked, nervously fiddling with one of her tentacles. “I’ll do anything you ask. Just as long as my debt gets paid off, okay?” Jennifer had been broken already, like Grizz exuded an aura of pure authority.

“I want you to find her. I want you to bind her limbs. Slice her flesh. Make her suffer. Turn her into a living sculpture.” Grizz pushed his face rather close to Jennifer’s. She could smell raw salmon on his breath, alongside a faint scent of what could only be described as mold. “Make her pay. Not with money. With her misery. With her goddamn emotions. Nothing would make me happier. Please take everything away.” 

Jennifer was unnerved. 

\--

Chestnut nuzzled her head against Ded’s chest, her eyes closed. She had fallen asleep right in the middle of the Grizz Grub. Ded was stroking her head slowly and humming a soft tune. Callie smiled, watching the scene unfold with delight.

“She fell asleep so quick.” Ded remarked. She continued to hum a tune as she fixed up the sleeping girl’s pigtails. They had grown out from all of her time in the Institution, and needed a bit of a touch up. “God, she’s really not well taken care of.” Ded frowned. “She looks like she’s wasted away.”

“I don’t even remember how long ago Marie sent her away. I can’t remember a lot, really.” Callie sipped a bottle of apple juice she’d just bought from the restaurant counter. “There’s this thick fog in my mind. It starts thirty years or so ago. All of that time frame is blank. Now we’re here and everything is confusing as all fuck.”

“Thirty years?” Ded looked up at the ceiling, trying to dredge something from the muck she could call memories. “Thirty fucking years, huh?” She looked at Callie closely. Not a single wrinkle on her face. Her tentacles had showed no signs of changing color.

“What’s wrong, babe?” Callie stared curiously at Ded, who had been gazing at her intensely.

“You look just as pretty as the day we met.”

“Aw!” Callie exclaimed happily.

“That is an issue! You are 49 years old!”

“...Wait a minute.” Callie looked at Ded closely, finding no signs of aging on her either. “You’re still a sexy runway model, basically. Just as desirable as the day we met. Aren’t you 51?”

“Chestnut is 47. She’s looking and acting like a teenager. And we know she’s been deprived of something. Something important.” Ded held Chestnut close, but tried not to wake her up. “She hasn’t been able to grow up. Her brain never finished developing. Her body never finished developing. She is a child. She has been a child for thirty years now.

“Callie, you still look like you’re 19. I still look like I’m 21. Everybody around us has not changed. The youth age to adulthood, then they stop. Chestnut didn’t though. She’s stuck this way. Somebody needed her to stay that way. They wanted her to be vulnerable. Just so they can get sick kicks off of turning her into their pawn. She is so weak, she could be turned into a monster at any moment. She could be dispatched at any moment. There is nothing keeping her attached to any semblance of sanity or existence save for a fragile thread. What did they do save for walking her down a path from one place to another? Chestnut has been hurt, but she hasn’t been...changed. Aside from forgetting her name, she’s the same as she used to be.”

“You make a good point.” Callie scratched her arm, worriedly digging her nails into her skin. Her nervous tic was enough to draw blood, but she was too preoccupied to notice. “But what...what do we do about it? It’s not like we have the power to do anything.”

“Listen, we might not be able to do anything on a huge level. We can, however, start spreading this information. People might not believe us at first, but it’s guaranteed we’ll find someo-”

There was a loud scraping noise from the window. The light coming from outside was blocked out. Ded looked at the window, and saw a raging swarm of what looked like flies outside. They were so dense it was like watching pure black water. The waves crashed against the restaurant. There was a harsh buzzing noise. Something enormous climbed from the waves. Its worm-like body convulsed. It approached the window, rearing up and pressing its body against it. It scraped against it using its legs. They made clear indents in the windows, sharp enough to cut through the glass.

“Pearlie.” A distorted voice echoed. Another one emerged, slamming itself against the window. It was followed by another. Then another. And another. They shrieked in unison.

“We want you, Pearlie.”

\--

■Webmaster■> Agent 2 has joined the chatroom.

Agent 2> I

Agent 2> I dfovv xant

Agent 2> coewvjhvelpev me

Agent 2> niCcccecntbreATHE

Agent 2> dsovj

Agent 2>

■Webmaster■> Agent 2 has left the chatroom.

■Webmaster■> Agent 2 has joined the chatroom.

■Webmaster■> Agent 2 has left the chatroom.

■Webmaster■> CraigCuttlefish has joined the chatroom.

■Webmaster■> Agent 2 has joined the chatroom.

■Webmaster■> SPiCYWASABi has joined the chatroom.

Agent 2> I CAN’T FUCKING BREATHE

Agent 2> I CAN’T SEE

Agent 2> WHERE IAM I

Agent 2> HELP ME

CraigCuttlefish> Calm down, Marie.

Agent 2> GRAMPS

Agent 2> WHERE ARE YOU

Agent 2> WHERE ARE YOU I CANT SEE

Agent 2> PLEASE

CraigCuttlefish> Stop yelling like that, young’un. It won’t do you any good here.

Agent 2> im sorry

CraigCuttlefish> Don’t worry about it, squiddo. Just take it slow.

Agent 2> where are you i cant see you gramps

CraigCuttlefish> I don’t rightly know myself, to be frank. I haven’t been able to feel or see a thing since we’ve been here.

Agent 2> we

Agent 2> we who

SPiCYWASABi> sup.

Agent 2> what

Agent 2> who

Agent 2> i

Agent 2> is this

SPiCYWASABi> it’s Octavio, kid. you get used to it.

Agent 2> OCTAVIO

Agent 2> YOU ARE DEAD

Agent 2> HOW

Agent 2> AM I DE

Agent 2> VEVAD AM IDF

Agent 2> 5498#@46+1584845&*(941+61+6418716532/69*

Agent 2> IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

CraigCuttlefish> Please stop screaming!

SPiCYWASABi> i am the only one allowed to scream silence yourself.

Agent 2> I ACANS CREAMIF IFWANT TO SHUT UPP

Agent 2> IMFUKCUING DEADSH TUUP IMSEAD I CANT SEE ANDCINTDFUCKING BEREATHE

■Webmaster■>

■Webmaster■>

Agent 2> WRHYAT

■Webmaster■>

■Webmaster■>

■Webmaster■>

Agent 2> STOPO STOP STO P STOP

■Webmaster■>

■Webmaster■> CutieKingdom78 has joined the chatroom.

CraigCuttlefish> Welcome.

SPiCYWASABi> welcome to the shitshow lmao.

CutieKingdom78> 23y6rt98657^$&*(){_*)(&*^&%^%$%5678()_

SPiCYWASABi> i dont wanna deal with this again ugh.

SPiCYWASABi> yes youre dead get over it shut up.

CutieKingdom78> i a

CutieKingdom78> waht

Agent 2> who are you

CutieKingdom78> i

CutieKingdom78> MOTHERFUCKER

CutieKingdom78> WHO THE FUCK DID THIS TO ME WHO DID THIS WHO DID THIS FUCKING BASTARDS I CANT EVEN GODDAMN FUCKING REMMEBER WHO THAT FUCK HAPPENED I HATE THIS I HATE YOU I HATE WHO THE FUCK IS THIS FUCKING???? PURGATORY IS THIS HELL IS THIS JUIST HOW IT IS GOD WHAT A FUCKING RIPOFF FUCK MAN THIS IS BULLSHIT

Agent 2> ow

SPiCYWASABi> payback is a bitch aint it lmao.

CutieKingdom78> F U C K

Agent 2> who actually even is this

Agent 2> please stop yelling

Agent 2> im sorry

CutieKingdom78> WAit

CutieKingdom78> who are you????

Agent 2> im marie

Agent 2> marie cuttlefish

Agent 2> who are you

CutieKingdom78> I dont………………..

CutieKingdom78> know

CraigCuttlefish> You called her Hildabroth. She doesn’t know her own name.

SPiCYWASABi> fuckin tragic lmao. whoever is doin this shit really gets off on tragedy or some bullshit lol. not my problemmmmm tho bc at least the wifi in the void is good.

Agent 2> i

Agent 2> what

CutieKingdom78> what the fuck are you talking about who are you people?????

SPiCYWASABi> lol.

CraigCuttlefish> We have time to talk it over. I’m Craig Cuttlefish, for starters. That insensitive cephalopod is Octavio, and the one who just appeared shortly before you is Marie Cuttlefish, my granddaughter. You were told that you were Hildabroth Cuttlefish, Marie’s sister. But that’s not correct, is it?

CutieKingdom78> no

CutieKingdom78> i dont

CutieKingdom78> .

CutieKingdom78> .

CutieKingdom78> i cant remember my name

CutieKingdom78> hm

CutieKingdom78> well fuck.

SPiCYWASABi> thats the spirit kid lol.

CutieKingdom78> pfffffff

CutieKingdom78> youre funny octo man

SPiCYWASABi> ayyyyyyyyyyy lmao.

SPiCYWASABi> this one is good craig I like her.

CraigCuttlefish> And yet you don’t say anything about my granddaughter. :-(

SPiCYWASABi> she hit me with the back end of a charger and forced jack in the box down my throat i cant say im thrilled to be here with her.

CraigCuttlefish> Understandable.

Agent 2> wait

Agent 2> what

Agent 2> what are you talking about?

SPiCYWASABi> you lol.

Agent 2> I didnt do that?

SPiCYWASABi> i think i have like cctv footage of it or something gimme a sec.

SPiCYWASABi> w!youtube

■Webmaster■> Launching YouTube.

Agent 2> what

Agent 2> what is THAT

Agent 2> WHY CAN I SUDDENLY SEE

SPiCYWASABi> what did we say about yelling.

Agent 2> sorry

SPiCYWASABi> thank you.

SPiCYWASABi> w!search “dj octavio gets mcfucking murdered”

■Webmaster■> Search received. Listing 84,556,123 results.

CraigCuttlefish> You have to use actual search terms that match the video…

SPiCYWASABi> ive been dead for 30 years craig let me have some fun in my life.

CraigCuttlefish> We are dead.

SPiCYWASABi> yeah and.

SPiCYWASABi> what is your point.

CraigCuttlefish> Okay then… Nothing, I suppose.

SPiCYWASABi> w!play “DJ Octavio murdered on live camera?! REAL FOOTAGE NOT CLICKBAIT”

■Webmaster■> Playing “DJ Octavio murdered on live camera?! REAL FOOTAGE NOT CLICKBAIT” now.

SPiCYWASABi> yeet watch this kids.

CutieKingdom78> holy fucking shit lmao look at her go oh my god

CutieKingdom78> HOLY SHIT GET WRECKED

Agent 2> I

CutieKingdom78> HAHAHA LMAO LOOK AT HIM HE DIED WITH HIS FACE IMPLANTED IN A PUDDLE OF KETCHUP

SPiCYWASABi> listen im not happy to be dead but what a way to go amiright.

Agent 2> how did I...

CraigCuttlefish> Should we start at the beginning?

Agent 2> I uh.

Agent 2> I guess.

CraigCuttlefish> Before our death, I knew something was wrong. The world no longer showed the signs of decay all living beings go through as time progresses. Children matured before abruptly stopping, and no notice was placed on this fact at all. The rampant surge of crime and death began not long after the Squid Sisters’ final concert. Something was wrong with you, but I…

CraigCuttlefish> …

CraigCuttlefish> ...I didn’t know how to address it.

CraigCuttlefish> …

CraigCuttlefish> I figured it was just… stress. Something weighing heavily on you, but I thought they were your demons alone, since you never seemed to ask for help as you always would if something was wrong. I apologize, even though it comes far too late.

Agent 2> Gramps, I…

Agent 2> I love you Gramps, there was no way you could have known. I wasn’t…

CutieKingdom78> none of us were, I don’t think.

CraigCuttlefish> I’m aware, but I still carry the guilt of my actions. Or, rather, my inaction.

Agent 2> Don’t beat yourself up, Gramps…

SPiCYWASABi> hes gonna do it, squiddo. but listen he does appreciate it tbh. promise he does.

CraigCuttlefish> You were both taken over by something. Something unnatural. Something from beyond this world.

SPiCYWASABi> were calling them sources for now.

Agent 2> Sources?

CutieKingdom78> sources of what?

CraigCuttlefish> I would call it sin, but that’s not exactly correct. It’s some form of corruption.

SPiCYWASABi> ugh no one gets my jokes.

CutieKingdom78> ??????

SPiCYWASABi> sources. like. source code.

CutieKingdom78> OH

CutieKingdom78> OH WAIT I GET IT LMAO

SPiCYWASABi> thank you the one good person here with a sense of humor.

Agent 2> Sorry I just… I don’t think I can laugh right now

Agent 2> I’m still trying to wrap my head around everything that happened

Agent 2> And everything I did while under its influence

Agent 2> ...Whatever it was

Agent 2> I can’t remember much…

CraigCuttlefish> It’ll get easier with time.

Agent 2> What else do you know about the sources?

CraigCuttlefish> Not much, regrettably. But, I do know for a fact that whoever kills the source will take on their corruption.

Agent 2> I... 

Agent 2> Glasses.

Agent 2> That means Glasses will…

CraigCuttlefish> I’m sorry.

■Webmaster■>

Agent 2> Wait

■Webmaster■>

Agent 2> Did another source die?

■Webmaster■>

■Webmaster■>

CutieKingdom78> I dont know oh god this fucking noise hurts

■Webmaster■>

■Webmaster■>

■Webmaster■> Agent 2 has joined the chatroom.

Agent 2> I never left the chatroom

Agent 2> I NEVER LEFT THE CHATROOM

Agent 2> WHO IS THIS

■Webmaster■> Agent 2 has changed their nickname to KillerQu33n.

Agent 2> WHO ARE YOU

■Webmaster■> KillerQu33n has become an administrator.

■Webmaster■> KillerQu33n has changed the name of the chatroom to “the fun room”.

■Webmaster■> KillerQu33n has disabled voice chat.

SPiCYWASABi> when did we have voice chat.

SPiCYWASABi> also fucking stop who are you.

■Webmaster■> KillerQu33n has disabled linking files.

CraigCuttlefish> I have a terrible feeling about this.

■Webmaster■> KillerQu33n has disabled role assignment for non-administrators.

■Webmaster■> KillerQu33n has assigned the role “lust” to KillerQu33n.

KillerQu33n> hello. :)


	6. The Swarm Is On The Move

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This chapter contains elements and imagery of cannibalism, blood, gore, gratuitous violence, starvation, entomophobia/arachnophobia, corruption, claustrophobia, strangulation, assault, torture, and decapitation, and potentially other triggers.  
> Please be aware and do not read if such themes disgust or disturb you.

Hachi ran forward, ready to grapple with Agent 8. He felt a rush going through his body, adrenaline pumping. 8 licked her lips and grinned wide. She camouflaged back into the wall, causing Hachi to come to a standstill. He swung his head around, attempting to locate the assailant, but quickly received a blow to the back of the head. Agent 8 materialized once more, pulling the Octo Shot from Hachi’s back. She cut the strap on it with one of her claws. The weapon was quickly thrown to the floor and eagerly stomped upon. 

“Gotta do better than that!” Agent 8 exclaimed. “Haven’t improved one little bit since the Metro, huh?” She stated mockingly, sticking her tongue out. 

“I’ve improved more than you could ever believe, you leather-bound bitch!” Hachi reached out and grabbed one of her tentacles, pulling her down forcefully and slamming his knee into her face. Blood escaped from her nose upon impact.

“Fuck you!” Agent 8 grabbed Hachi’s leg and pulled him to the floor. Hachi kept a tight grip on her tentacle, but 8 quickly slid a knife from her boot and slashed off her own tentacle. The tentacle thrashed violently in Hachi’s hand.

“Holy shit, you are one metal bitch.” Hachi smiled excitedly. He quickly climbed to his feet, still clutching the limb in his hand. He dashed at 8 and smacked the limb against her. 8 laughed, kicking the Octoling in the crotch without hesitation. Hachi made a loud sound of surprise and pain, dropping the tentacle and falling to the floor.

“Hey bitch, over here!” Hank yelled, drawing 8’s attention. Hank smiled, morphing into a revolver. Though he unloaded multiple rounds, only one hit its mark, clipping her side. 8 grinned, the pain from the strike filling her with demented glee. She moaned loudly, sticking her tongue out.

“You’re one fucked up lady.” Pearl stared at the Agent with disgust in her eyes. “I remember when you were somebody that wanted to help people. Now you’re… this.”

“Maybe you just never wanted to see the reality.” Agent 8 laughed, taking a drop of her own blood onto her finger and slowly licking it off. “You are a fucking moron, after all.”

“Kill this fuck, Hachi!” Pearl screamed at the top of her lungs. “Get the hell up and be a man!”

Hachi groaned and attempted to climb to his feet. Suddenly, a shock ran through his body. An intense pain drove itself up his leg. He looked down to see 8’s knife sticking from his calf. He gasped, unable to think of when she could have landed the blow. His blood ran from the wound, a blue tint filling the water around him.

Hachi felt an indescribable emotion fill him at the sight of his own fluids. Something akin to a rage. Something clawing its way out of his deepest subconscious. Something frothing with desire for blood. He smiled a wide smile, the pain becoming numb to him. He pulled the knife from his leg, tossing it aside, and stood up effortlessly.

“Agent 8, you failed the test!” Hachi yelled, pure joy in his voice. He lunged at her, forcing her to the floor. “Remember what you used to say?! ‘Cannibalism is the only answer,’ right?!” He sank his beak into her neck, aggressively tearing flesh away and swallowing it whole. “You taste nowhere near as bad as you act!”

“I-I…” She couldn’t form words anymore, blood was spraying from her wound. Her vision had gone red, with random bursts of pure darkness.

“Go into the light, asshole!” Hachi went back in for another mouthful, completely severing her head from her body. As he swallowed, he began to laugh maniacally. He held her head up like a trophy. “I win! I fucking win!” He screeched in triumph.

Hank stared in disbelief. Awe filled his body from head to toe, followed by terror. Hachi had become an abomination to combat another. He had parroted Agent 8’s cruel words. He had feasted upon her tainted flesh. There was a distinct inhumanity to the sight Hank had taken in; a pure animalistic energy emanated from his Octoling friend. Was he witnessing the birth of a new monster to replace the other?

“Hey kid, calm the fuck down!” Pearl exclaimed. “It’s over, you won!” Hachi turned to look at Pearl and smiled, exposing his blue-coated teeth. “...Why are you looking at me like that?” Pearl scooted behind Goggles, shaking in her boots.

Hachi let out what could only be described as a war cry. He climbed off of 8’s body, standing up straight despite his injuries. He pointed at Pearl, before performing a neck slitting motion with his finger. He then mimed the act of eating something from his hand.

“Hachi, q-quit joking around.” Rider smiled nervously. “Everything is okay, right?”

“F-food. Need m-more food,” Hachi uttered, licking his lips. “I-I will take it. I will swallow you whole.”

“Pearl, give me your knife,” Hank ordered. “Now!”

“O-okay!” Pearl pulled it from her pocket and tossed the switchblade over to the Inkling. Hank caught it and assumed a defensive stance.

“Come on, Hachi. It’s me. It’s Hank.” Hank spoke calmly. “You can trust me, you know that. Remember when we worked together? At the TV station? It was fun, right?”

“F-food is what I need!” Hachi scratched at his own stomach. “Give me flesh, assholes!” He launched himself at Hank, tongue hanging from his jaws. Without hesitation, Hank jammed the switchblade into the Octoling’s shoulder. Hachi let out a screech, stumbling back in pain.

“We’ll get food when we get out of here, okay?!” Hank stood his ground. “Just calm the fuck down, you fucking moron!” Hachi reached up, pulling the blade from his shoulder. He stared at it, taking in the shine of his own blood. He smiled.

“You’re going to be the first one to go!” Hachi announced, pointing at Hank with one dull claw. 

Hachi prepared to pounce once more, but he hesitated, a look of pained confusion flickering across his face. Suddenly, he brought his arm up to his mouth and clamped down on it, sinking his sharp beak deep into his own flesh. Tears welled up in his eyes and he emitted a muffled whimper of pain, though he held fast even as blood began to drip from the wound. He gripped his stomach with his other hand; despite his clipped claws, visibly bloody marks appeared where he dug them into the skin. He felt wrong. He felt as if he were nothing but a predator, a ruthless monster meant only to shovel flesh down its throat. He had to protect them from what he’d become, no matter the cost.

Pulling his arm away, he screeched, “Run away!”

“We’re not leaving you behind!” Hank yelled. “You’re my friend, Hachi! You’re not a monster! You’re not like her. Come on, you and me? We’re best bros.”

“Remember when we journeyed through the Metro together?” Goggles piped up, smiling. Tears were running down his cheeks. “We helped you get out of there, remember?”

“I-I… I can’t…” Hachi trailed off, his entire body shaking. “Everything hurts, my entire body feels like my stomach is trying to digest it. I feel so empty inside. I-I… I don’t want to hurt you. You’re…

“You’re my family.” He broke down in tears, face contorting in pain. His claws spasmed wildly as he dug the dull points into his gut, doubling over with a noise of pain. “Please… don’t- don’t let me hurt you.” His voice cracked, and he let out a sob.

“You said we’re your family, right?” Rider asked. “Well know now that as your family, we aren’t leaving.”

“We won’t leave you behind,” Goggles added.

“You scare me, but I agree with them!” Pearl exclaimed.

“You’re one of us, and you’re going to leave with us.” Hank smiled brightly.

Hachi remembered something from the days of his youth. Goggles’ bright smile, Rider’s stern face. In Hank’s smile, he remembered them both.

His panicked, rapid breathing and heartbeats began to calm the longer he stared at his companions- no, his family. A sudden spark of defiance flared up inside of the Octoling; he wasn’t going to let that bitch take anything away from him ever again. He wasn’t going to let Agent 8 mock him, even in death. He was going to win. He was going to get out alive, and have something with him that was worth living for.

“...Come on guys, we’re getting out of here.” Hachi smiled. “Let’s get to the surface, right fucking now.”

“I knew you’d come around eventually.” Hank walked up to Hachi and pulled him into an embrace. “We’re family, now and forever.”

\--

Bugs. Fuckin’ bugs. They were flooding the streets. Bigsby hid inside of a mailbox. Yes, a fucking mailbox. There hadn’t been enough time in the chaos for him to rush back inside the store, so he jammed his amorphous body through the thin mail slot. It was a hot day today, so the mailbox was not the most pleasant place to be. He kept his eyes trained on the thin opening; a sea of blackness being the only view.

“Just fuck me with a fully charged E-liter.” Bigsby whispered. “There’s no way in hell I’m going out in that bullshit.” Bigsby felt a faint rumble in his stomach. He looked around for a moment, before he ripped open a small package marked “FoodParcel.” He pulled out a bag of dried squid flakes from it and shrugged. This would do for now. He took a handful and ingested them, before coughing loudly.

“These taste like shit!” Bigsby exclaimed. Maybe that had been a bit too loud. Something knocked on the side of the mailbox, as if trying to ascertain if there was someone inside. Bigsby froze up. “This is fine.” He mumbled to himself. “I’m okay with the events that are unfolding currently.”

Several beady black eyes. A bioluminescent glow. A faint blue light washed over Bigsby, who expected his own death at any moment now.

“Pearlie?” A distorted voice murmured, seemingly begging for the presence of this individual. “Pearlie? Pearlie?!” A long, sharp claw impaled itself through the metal. It was only an inch from Bigsby’s face. He felt only terror in that moment. A second claw was driven into the mailbox, just missing the jellyfish. Bigsby could feel the mailbox get suddenly uprooted from the ground.

“Fuck!” Bigsby yelled. No other word really described his feelings right now. In an instant, he felt his hiding place get hurled through the air, the claws quickly withdrawing. He felt the harsh impact of the mailbox hitting the ground. “...I can’t feel my eyeballs. Nor can I feel my anything else.”

“Pearlie?” Another claw slammed through the mailbox, impacting the ground right between his arm and body.

“Go away, you fucking abomination! Go back to your hole in Ugly Mountain!” The jellyfish yelled, fighting spirit in his voice. The claw withdrew, but soon a long tube-like shape slid through the hole the claw had made. It had a sharp point at the tip. “What the fuck is that?!” Bigsby pressed his gelatinous form as tightly as he could against the other end of the mailbox. A long, thin tongue emerged from the proboscis. It pressed itself against Bigsby, moving across his flesh.

“...Not Pearlie.” The entity pulled away, leaving Bigsby shaking and covered in slime. This had been the second worst day of his life so far. At least Marie didn’t lick him, though the murder part would have definitely been more unpleasant.

“Please go away,” Bigsby whispered. “I am not a Grizz Meal.”

“Pearlie!” Another voice shouted, distant and distorted.

“Pearlie?” The entity outside seemed to utter in response. “Pearlie!” It screeched, loudly running away from the mailbox. The swarm started to disperse, light emerging through the holes in the metal. 

“Get the hell away from me!” A familiar voice yelled. Was that Jesse? 

\--

“I said, get the hell away from me!” Jesse kicked the large creature in the eyes. The impact landed hard enough one of the doll-like spheres erupted a bright yellow liquid. It screeched in pain.

“Pearlie, we’re going home.” A mass of writhing tentacles emerged from the creature’s back, wrapping around the Octoling. “We’re going to be happy.” The way it spoke was...wrong. Like a jumble of pre-recorded messages. “I’ll finally be able to go outside. We’ll be a family.”

“I don’t want to be in your fucking family! Any family you’re in must be a piece of shit!” Jesse screamed, struggling against the tentacles. “Let me go, right now!”

“We’re going home. We’ll be a family. We’ll be a family.” It was like a broken record. “We’ll be a family.”

“No we fucking won’t!”

“I want to see your smile again. Come home with me. I miss you, Pearlie.” One of its tentacles wrapped around Jesse’s neck, constricting tightly around it. They couldn’t breathe. “Go to bed, Pearlie. We’ll talk in the morning. We can’t stay up arguing all night. We’re a family, after all.”

“Y-you...let...me...go…” Jesse slipped into unconsciousness, the creature loosening its grip around their neck.

“It's okay, Pearlie,” the creature said, speaking as soothingly as a demented spider-creature could. “We're going home. We'll be a family. We'll be a family.”

\--

 

Benny nearly tripped over her own feet as she fled the home, never once looking back as she desperately sought somewhere quiet to clear her head. Her grip on the curtain rod left her knuckles white, but she couldn’t find it in herself to care. The girl finally stopped as she found herself away from the residential neighborhood, and she bent over and tried to catch her breath.

She didn’t even know where to begin trying to process what the hell had just happened. All her thoughts had been replaced with pure, blind anger. Benny held her forehead in a hand, grimacing as she was suddenly struck with a sharp pain in her head. The harder she thought about anything, the worse her head seemed to hurt.

The inkling groaned, bitterly cursing under her breath. She should have picked up some headache medicine somewhere. Fuck, she should have just stuck around Bobble and Headphones’ place.Those damn women shouldn’t have yelled at her in the first place; maybe if they had just kept quiet, she wouldn’t have felt the urge to get out and get some fresh air.

Benny sneered, leaning on her rod as she bitterly thought about how ungrateful the duo had been. Hadn’t they known she was only trying to protect them? And yet they'd treated her like she was the enemy. She should have bashed in their skulls for insinuating such a ridiculous notion.

It wasn’t her problem, anymore at least. She had bigger fish to fry. With a displeased grunt, the inkling forced her legs forward as she wondered where the hell she could go to continue her search for Marie. If it weren’t for those damn squitches, she might have gotten a lead. Now she was back at square one again. Just the thought of having to try and start over again made Benny’s head ache.

She leaned heavily against her curtain rod, nausea sweeping over her senses. The girl dug her nails into her forehead weakly, as if the aching was an itch she could somehow scratch if she just dug hard enough. Benny firmly told herself she wasn’t going to think about it anymore, and focused entirely on the external stimuli affecting her body. The breeze was nice and cool. The sun was warm. And the rod in her hands was starting to crumple slightly under her prolonged grip on the same spot. She made a small annoyed noise, using both hands to attempt to fix the damage she’d done with her bare hands to the exposed metal, but felt her frustration mounting as she continued to make the bending and warping worse.

Benny let out a grunt of frustration, throwing the curtain rod to the ground. Fuck this, she would find a better weapon. A real weapon. She continued walking, but this time with purpose, heading to Inkopolis Square. She would pay Sheldon a little visit.

Benny walked into Ammo Knights, completely ignoring Sheldon as she regarded the different weapons. The Inkling scanned the shelves of the store. So many options adorned the various displays. All of them sucked.

“Can I uh...help you?” Sheldon asked. The woman gave off a terrifying aura. “I can find you anything you need.”

“Do you have anything that’s actually worth a damn?” Benny crossed her arms, not making eye contact. “All of these weapons are trash. They won’t do me any good at all.”

“Don’t talk about my products like that!” Sheldon responded angrily. “I work my cephalothorax off making these. I’m not going to listen to you stand there and insult my weapons like tha-”

“I want that one.” Benny pointed to a large roller propped up inside of a glass case. Next to the roller was a sign saying “Banned Krak-on Roller! Last of its kind!”

“Ma’am, that’s not for sale. It’s just a display piece. You know, for the aesthetic flavor.”

“And?” Benny placed a hand on the case, longingly gazing at the Roller. She licked her lips as a grin crawled across her face. “I said I want it.”

“Well you can’t have it.” Sheldon stomped his foot on the floor. “And I respectfully ask you to leave. A rude customer doesn’t deserve anything from me.”

“Well you can fuck off, shortie.” Benny slammed her head into the glass case, smashing a hole in it. She giggled maniacally as she reached her arm into the case and pulled the Roller out. 

“I-I’m calling the police!” Sheldon blurted out. 

“No you’re not.” She aggressively kicked Sheldon over. “Now it’s time to test this lil’ bitch out.” She slammed the roller to the floor, moving it forward and rolling it over Sheldon’s legs. The weight of the roller crushed them, causing Sheldon to scream out in pain.

“What’s wrong with you?!” Sheldon cried.

“Many things, but at least this roller isn’t one of them. Works like a charm. I wonder how much further I’d have to roll it until you’re just a smudge on the floor.” 

“J-just take it!” Sheldon yelled, bracing for what might be his demise.

“Okay!” Benny smiled brightly, placing the Roller on her back and merrily skipping out of the store.

“...Bitch,” Sheldon whispered, staring at her as she left.

\--

“Benny’s a nineteen year old Inkling. She was wearing a school uniform, and it got covered in blood during the attack. She was armed with a curtain rod when she ran off.” Bobble had her hands resting in her lap and her eyes trained on the floor. She felt too nervous to make eye contact with the officers questioning her. “I should have a picture of her in my phone. We took a selfie together at the end of a class a week ago.”

“Can you show the photo to us?” One of the officers asked politely. Bobble nodded and dug through her pockets, making a shocked expression when she realized she didn't have her phone on her. She’d called the authorities on Headphones’ phone, not her own; she must've left it behind in all the chaos. 

“Damn it!” Bobble exclaimed. “I can’t believe I left my phone behind.” She whined loudly and buried her head in her hands.

“If you tell us where you last left it, we can get it from the crime scene.”

“Oh, I left it on the charger in the kitchen. Not like, on a gun...I mean plugged into the wall. We keep our chargers in the hall closet. The guns I mean.”

“Yes, we understood you didn’t mean guns the first time.” One officer chimed in.

“I can’t feel my skin right now, that’s how nervous I am. So please excuse me talking like I might die if I don’t clarify things.” Bobble tugged at the bobble on her hat, the urge to stim too strong to ignore. It helped her to relax and focus on the conversation.

“Well excuse us, ma’am. We could be handling more important cases than this right now, so how about you show some respect.”

“Oh yeah, so important. Like how Prince stole a milk carton from the corner store on accident. Not the fact that there's a murderer on the loose.” Her voice had a hint of venom. “I bet it’s also completely unimportant to mention that my husband and son haven’t been home in over a day and a half.”

“You wait until now to bring up missing persons?” An officer laughed. “You’re an idiot. That should be a first thought sort of thing.”

“No one talks to my fucking wife like that,” a voice said from the doorway. Bobble looked up to see Headphones, wrapped in bandages and wearing a hospital gown. She was breathing heavily, and looked as though the only thing keeping her standing was her own raw emotions, along with her hand gripping the door frame.

“Headphones!” Bobble stood up and rushed over to her, gently supporting her. “It's okay, go back to bed-- you need your rest--”

“Not until these fuckers show you the respect you deserve,” Headphones growled.

“It's okay, I'll handle it,” Bobble assured her, helping her walk back to her bed. “It'll be alright, I promise.”

“Okay, okay, I'm going,” Headphones murmured, but turned back to the officers. “If either of you treat her that way again, I will take this entire hospital and shove it up your ass. Got it?”

“Go back to bed, sweetie,” Bobble said worriedly.

“I’ll be back in a fuckin’ second if anybody says anything rude to you again though.”

“I know. I love you. Go back to sleep.” 

“Fine.” Headphones kissed Bobble on the forehead. “Just make sure not to take their shit. And make sure they promise to find our boys. I’m gonna kick some asses if they don’t.”

“We’re going to get our boys back, I promise.” Bobble helped her to her bed, aiding her in climbing onto it. “Everything will be fine. We’ll probably have to move though.”

“I’m not going to be very comfortable sleeping in that house anymore after what happened. Cashmere hasn’t moved before though, that’d be hard for him. But we’d be better off.”

\--

Rider had just finished bandaging up Hachi’s wounds, using up most of the emergency gauze Goggles had brought with them. He'd torn off part of Hachi’s long-sleeve shirt to soak up the blood; it wasn't the prettiest solution, but they had to work with what they had.

“Okay, that should do for now. Just don't scratch at them and everything should be fine,” Rider said. Hachi seemed like he was already about to disregard his advice.

“How long do I have to keep this on?” He murmured, nervously wringing his hands together to try and keep them occupied. He was rather distressed over the loss of his claws.

“Until we can get you to a real doctor. We can find one when we reach the surface.”

“I'm surprised you're still standing after all that,” Goggles said in amazement. “Your injuries are really bad, I was half expecting you to collapse…”

“Yeah. Me too,” Hachi sighed. “At least now we can focus on finding a way out.”

They made their way through the labyrinth Agent 8 had trapped them in. Before long, Hachi’s posture began to slump as he came down from his adrenaline high and the fatigue from the battle finally caught up with him. His body was wracked with tremors and he found himself leaning heavily on Hank for support as they walked through the sewers. Eventually, Pearl’s ears perked up and she ran forwards.

“Guys, I think this is it! This is our way out!” Pearl said excitedly. She was standing in front of a ladder that seemed to lead up to the surface. “We can finally get out of this hellhole!”

“I'll go up first, to make sure it's safe,” Goggles volunteered, stepping forward to climb up the ladder. When he reached the top, he cautiously pushed up the manhole cover to look up through it, before quickly slamming it shut again. “Not safe! Definitely not safe!”

“What's wrong? What's up there?!” Hank asked as Goggles jumped down from the ladder. As though in answer to his question, a distorted voice spoke from the surface.

“Pearlie?” It called down. Searching. Questioning. “Pearlie? Are you there? Pearlie?”

“Oh, fuck,” Pearl whispered. Then, as a pair of long, insect-like claws forced themselves under the manhole cover, her voice rose to a shriek. “RUN!”

So they ran.


	7. New Alliances

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING!! This chapter contains potentially triggering material such as (but not limited to) entomophobia/arachnophobia, heavy gore, parasitism, vomiting, body horror, and mild sexual themes. Please be alert when reading. Thank you.

The loud cacophony of buzzing and glass shattering pulled Chestnut from her slumber. Her eyes flew open. She pulled her head from Ded’s chest and snapped her view to the windows. These colossal insectoid entities stood tall as they emerged into the building, having destroyed the glass panes. Their bodies were transparent, but no real innards were visible save for a long tube that ran from a long proboscis to throbbing sacs at the other end of their bodies. They had five small pure black eyes on each side of their heads. They were like doll eyes, shiny and lifeless.

They reminded her of a horror movie she’d seen with Agent 3 a long time ago. It had been a movie about bugs mutated by science. Jennifer hadn’t been able to sleep right for a week. She always called Chestnut over to sleep in her bed with her. Chestnut smiled softly as the memory of Jennifer’s gentle embrace came to her head. The image of them entwined in slumber flooded her thoughts.

“Chestnut, don’t move!” Ded ordered to the Inkling. Chestnut was snapped from her thoughts and froze up. 

“Babe, d-do you know what those are?” Callie whispered to her wife.

“I know they’re ugly as sin.” Ded whispered back. “That and they scare the fuck out of me.”

“I agree wholeheartedly.”

“They look shiny. Like Pearl.” Chestnut whispered. “Looking at them makes me feel something...weird.”

One of the Spiderlings walked up to their table. It let out a soft hiss as it stared down at an unfinished tray of food. It glanced up at Chestnut, purring.

“Hungry.” It announced. It pressed its proboscis against a burger sitting on the tray, a thin tongue emerging and slathering a hefty coat of saliva on it. 

“...That’s mine.” Chestnut whispered. “Don’t just lick it without asking…”

“Lick.” The Spiderling uttered. It tilted its head, before violently convulsing. Its body seemed to melt away into a thick gel-like fluid. The fluid, unlike its body, was opaque and constantly shifting colors.

“...You can keep the burger.” Chestnut was unnerved.

“Burger.” A voice boomed from the fluid, as it reshaped into Chestnut’s form. “Keep.” It picked the burger up off the plate and its body convulsed as it spat up a thick glob of acid onto the burger. It watched as the burger slowly started to melt in its hands.

“I don’t like this.” Ded whispered, holding Chestnut tighter.

“I think I’m going to vomit.” Callie clutched her stomach.

“You. Look nice.” The Spider-Chestnut pointed at Chestnut and smiled. “Me look nice too.” It pointed back at itself. It spoke in Chestnut’s voice, but...it didn’t sound right. It was like a corrupted file attempting to playback.

“I uh...yeah you look great.” Chestnut smiled and nodded. “Just go look great somewhere else.”

“I want look great here.” It cleared its throat, speaking more smoothly this time. It seemed to be getting a better grasp on using its voice.

“Can you make your friends leave?” Ded asked politely. “They’re disturbing the fine patrons eating dinner.”

“We want dinner too.” It laughed. “We eat like you. We need fill our sustenance chambers like you do.”

One of the larger Spiderlings threw an Inkling onto a table. A sharp protrusion emerged from its proboscis. A loud giggle escaped the creature as it impaled its feeding tube into the Inkling. The Inkling barely had time to scream as almost instantaneously, their body deflated, all of their innards drawn through. They slid through the Spiderling’s organ, clear as day. Callie made true on her claim she might vomit. At the sight of the spectacle, she threw up onto the floor.

“Wow. We eat and you reverse eat.” Spider-Chestnut giggled. “You Inklings so fascinating.”

“You’re fucking gross.” Callie responded.

“Is just circle of life.” 

“No, it’s the circle of being disgusting!”

“Don’t make it mad, please hon.” Ded begged.

“Me no get mad, me understand you all assholes.” It stated.

“What is even happening?” Chestnut asked.

“I still get used to talking right way.” Spider-Chestnut states. “I need name. Momma going be happy to see me. So I must give her name, call me.”

“G-good luck with finding a name.” Callie stated, ready to run at any moment. She hoped it would leave.

“I want you give me name.” It pointed at Chestnut. “Make it pretty name.”

“M-me?” Chestnut slid out of Ded’s grip, falling to the floor. “I don’t think that’s a good idea. I’m stupid.”

“You cute. You must know cute names.” It grinned. 

“H-how about...Ruby?”

“Too boring. Give something exciting!”

“Maybe um, Coral?”

“Sounds like food. Me not want be food.”

“Gwen?”

“Maybe.”

“I think it fits your um...amazing beauty.”

“Oh! Is true! Gwen is powerful name of beauty!” Spider-Chestnut exclaimed. “Me be Gwen!”

“It fits you.” Ded and Callie said in unison. They were sweating bullets.

“Thank you!” Gwen blushed and put her hands on her cheeks. “Me feel so pretty.”

“Yeah, you could be a famous model!” Callie lied through her beak.

“What is model?”

“A model is uh...somebody who shows off how pretty they are and gets rich.” Ded stated, trying to stay on Gwen’s good side.

“Rich in flavor?” Gwen tilted her head.

“No, they get a lot of money,” Chestnut explained.

“What is money? Does it taste good?”

“No, money is like this stuff you use to get other stuff.”

“Oh! So is like exchange of royal jelly!” Gwen exclaimed excitedly.

“Uh… I… yes?” Callie murmured confusedly.

“It’s like royal jelly. Just like that.” Chestnut added, nodding her head furiously.

“Me get it!” Gwen hopped in place and clapped her hands. “So I give money to you and you swallow whole, then return honeyed fluids to me?”

“Nevermind, it’s not like royal jelly at all.”

“Oh, can show me how money work then?”

“S-sure!” Ded pulled her wallet from her pocket. She took out a silver coin and a stick of gum. She was going to explain commerce to a bug person. Her life had come a long way. 

“What is pink stick in hand?” Gwen stared at the gum curiously.

“This is what we’re going to be exchanging money for.” Ded handed the coin to Gwen, who immediately swallowed it. “No! You don’t eat that!”

“Oh.” Gwen coughed violently for a moment, a slime coated coin sliding from her mouth. She picked it up and held it out to Ded. “Here! Exchange!”

“Uh...You can keep it. I’ll give you the gum for free.” Ded held out the stick of gum, a fake grin on her face. 

“I’ll take that coin!” Chestnut exclaimed. “I’ll trade you for it.” She dug through her pockets and pulled out a marble. “You play with this. It makes fun noises when you drop it.”

“I want!” Gwen handed over the coin, which Chestnut wiped on her shirt. Gwen took the marble and stared at it. “Is greatest thing I’ve been given!”

“Can I have that gum?” Chestnut said to Ded, holding the coin out. “I’ll pay you for it.”

“Just take it,” Ded sighed, handing the gum over.

“Thanks!” Chestnut snapped the stick of gum in two, giving half to Gwen. “Chew on this. Don’t swallow it though.”

“Is food you don’t swallow?” Gwen asked, taking it and putting it in her mouth. She went silent and chewed on it for a few minutes. These few minutes scraped by rather slowly, nobody wanting to interrupt her. “Taste good at first, now taste like shoes.”

“Spit it out in the-” Chestnut started, but was interrupted by Gwen immediately spitting the gum out onto the floor. “-trashcan. Or that works too.”

“Family will love gum! I tell them about it!” Gwen looked up, but noticed the restaurant was vacant. The swarms outside had cleared. The Spiderlings were long gone. “Where go family?”

A child’s cries echoed from the bathroom.

\--

Cashmere was huddled in the corner of the bathroom. He was sobbing loudly, having just watched the large creatures drag Jesse away. He was alone.

“W-where’s Bigsby?” He whispered to himself. “Is he gone too?” Cashmere looked around the empty bathroom. The silence was getting to him. “I want my mommies. I want daddy. I want them to be here!” He yelled out to nobody.

“Is everything okay in here?!” Chestnut yelled, kicking the door down. “I hear a kid in distress!”

“Kid in distress is delicacy where I come from.” Gwen stated loudly.

“Gwen, please be quiet.” 

“Okay.” She smiled and ran off to eat whatever food was left on the tables. Chestnut sighed loudly.

“Oh no.” Cashmere looked around, panicking. He dove into a bathroom stall. He didn’t trust anybody at the moment. The world around him felt like a danger in its entirety. Nothing was safe to him. “Stay away. Please stay away.” He mumbled.

“I’m here to help out,” Chestnut said. “If there’s anybody in here, please come out. I just want to make sure you’re safe. Everything will be okay. I promise I’ll keep you away from anything dangerous.”

Cashmere was shaking violently. He felt bile rising up into his throat. His wet pants were clinging to his body. They were so cold. He didn’t want to be seen like this. A scared little child who’d wet his pants, wouldn’t that be embarrassing? 

“Jellyfish with a mission, coming through!” A loud voice boomed through the entire restaurant. “Get the fuck out of my way!” He pushed Chestnut aside as he ran into the bathroom. “Sorry lady, this is more important than being polite.” Cashmere smiled, poking his head out from under the stall.

“Bigsby!” Cashmere exclaimed, coming out to hug the Jellyfish. “I missed you.”

“I’m just glad the bugs didn’t get you.” Bigsby stroked the little Inkling’s head.

“T-they took Jesse away, though,” Cashmere choked out.

“Jesse is big and strong, though. They’ll get through it. They can fight off these hard shelled bastards easy.”

“I wish my momma Headphones was here. She’d kick all of those bugs’ asses. And then she’d take me home.”

“Well your grandpa Bigsby is here. And he’s going to kick all of their asses and take you home himself.” Bigsby laughed heartily. “I got you some new clothes kid, so change up. Then we can roll.”

“O-okay!” Cashmere smiled, taking a bag of clothes from the jellyfish and going into one of the stalls.

“Hey old-timer, is he with you?” Chestnut asked. “Do you think it’s really safe to be walking around when it’s just the two of you?”

“We’ll be just fine. I was an army man back in the day. I can kick some real ass when need be.”

“I didn’t know jellyfish could be that bold,” Chestnut stated. “I assumed you were a bit too squishy to be in the military.”

“Young lady, back in my day I was the man who defined how to use a charger in the battlefield.” He spoke bravely, neglecting the fact he’d recently been hiding in a mailbox. But nobody knew, so it was fine.

“The Squid Sisters never talked about a jellyfish before. I can’t imagine you’re all that.”

“Listen here, respect your elders! I was a master marksman in my day. Just because two little pop stars haven’t spoken about me doesn’t mean I’m not deserving of my respect.”

“But you don’t even secrete ink or anything, how did you even use a charger?”

“You know ink tanks exist for a reason, right? I could make one tank last for twenty shots. I could make a shot with such precision with a minimal charge that I could make any weapon efficient.” Bigsby may have been stretching the truth a little.

“Whatever you say, granddad,” Chestnut sighed. “We can talk about your old glory days later. Is the kid going to be okay?”

“He’ll be just fine with me around.”

“Then we should take him with us.”

“What the hell do you mean by that?” Bigsby barked. “You sayin’ I’m not good enough?”

“Pretty clearly what I’m saying. You’re an old man. You don’t have one of your precious chargers. You’re kind of just...there.”

“...Wow, that one hurt. You… are right, though.”

“We can take the kid with us and he’ll be okay. We’ll get him home as soon as possible,” Chestnut assured him.

“Oh fuck no, if you’re taking him I’m going with you.” Bigsby crossed his arms and stared directly into the Inkling’s eyes. “We started this together, we’re ending this together. And the second I get my hands on a charger I’m proving to you I’m the real fucking deal.”

“...Sure.” Chestnut shrugged. “But I don’t think we’re going to find a charger out there.”

“I’m all dressed!” Cashmere exclaimed, coming out of the stall. He was wearing a simple combo of a sweatshirt and sweatpants. “These are comfy!”

“Do you feel all better, kid?” Bigsby asked nicely.

“Yeah! I feel a whole lot better!” Cashmere hugged the old jellyfish tightly. “Thank you, Bigsby!”

“No problem, kiddo.”

“You might be an old asshole, but you’re my old asshole!” Cashmere exclaimed.

“That’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever said to me.” Bigsby chuckled. “Now we’re going to go with the nice lady who clearly thinks she’s a better soldier than I am.”

“Wow, rude,” Chestnut remarked. “You don’t speak to a certified Agent like that.”

“Well you were speaking to a decorated soldier like that, so get bent,” Bigsby responded.

“Come on guys, let’s go already. We have to stop standing around!” Cashmere dashed out of the bathroom, excitement in his voice.

“You heard the little man.” Bigsby followed behind him.

“Yeah, I did,” Chestnut responded. “Though he needs to be careful of the spider lady. She looks like me except...not really. She also sounds like me but her voice is like a broken record got run over with a truck and then got mulched.”

“That’s good to know.”

Cashmere ran ahead, but bumped into a woman he presumed to be an Inkling.

“Oh, I’m sorry ma’am.” Cashmere bowed forward a bit. “I didn’t mean that.” The Inkling turned to him, large mandibles on both sides of her mouth. She smiled at him, showing her jagged teeth.

“It alright! You no do harm,” Gwen said, drinking the dissolved burger. “You want some?” She held out the sludge in her hands to him.

“No, that’s okay,” Cashmere responded, eyes wide. He had never seen an Inkling with mandibles before. He now prayed he would never see one again.

\--

KillerQu33n> :)

Agent 2> WHO ARE YOU

CutieKingdom78> what in the goddamn

SPiCYWASABi> i swaer to god who the fuck.

SPiCYWASABi> w!search members @KillerQu33n

■Webmaster■> Unable to process request.

SPiCYWASABi> did you fucking do something.

KillerQu33n> :)

SPiCYWASABi> dont fucking :) me you bitch.

CraigCuttlefish> They took Marie’s name before changing it. Do you think…?

KillerQu33n> :):)

CutieKingdom78> oh shit the smiles are multiplying

KillerQu33n> :):):)

CutieKingdom78> fuck

Agent 2> WHO ARE YOU GET OUT

CutieKingdom78> shut up Marie

SPiCYWASABi> shut up marie.

KillerQu33n> Shut up, Marie. :)

Agent 2> Sorry

Agent 2> WAIT NOT YOU TOO

KillerQu33n> :)

Agent 2> LEAVE

SPiCYWASABi> lol.

SPiCYWASABi> also do you mind telling me why my fucking admin privileges are gone.

KillerQu33n> No.

SPiCYWASABi> understandable have a nice day. also go fuck yourself.

CraigCuttlefish> Can we all calm down, please?

CutieKingdom78> no

Agent 2> NO

SPiCYWASABi> no.

KillerQu33n> No. :D

CraigCuttlefish> …

CutieKingdom78> oh shit the smily opened up

KillerQu33n> :D

KillerQu33n> :)

CutieKingdom78> hhhhh

CutieKingdom78> bad feeling about this

SPiCYWASABi> wait.

SPiCYWASABi> wait I fucking figured it out.

SPiCYWASABi> get the fuck out of this chatroom you murderous whore.

Agent 2> ???????????

Agent 2> WHo is it??????

SPiCYWASABi> shes the fucking source.

SPiCYWASABi> at least one of them. the one who took you over marie.

Agent 2> WHAT

KillerQu33n> Hello <3

CraigCuttlefish> Leave this area in peace, please. I don’t want a fight.

KillerQu33n> Not up to you, old man. ;)

KillerQu33n> After all, I am the admin here now. ;)

CutieKingdom78> fuck off

KillerQu33n> Gladly. ;)c

CutieKingdom78> ew

Agent 2> She did set her role to “lust”....

CutieKingdom78> yeah ew

CutieKingdom78> wonder what the fuck she did while in your body

Agent 2> I

Agent 2> .

Agent 2> I don’t really want to think about that.

KillerQu33n> >;)c

Agent 2> Ew…

CutieKingdom78> ew

SPiCYWASABi> nasty bitch.

SPiCYWASABi> fuck outta here thot.

CutieKingdom78> ayyyy you fuckin tell her octo man

SPiCYWASABi> :>

SPiCYWASABi> youre a good kid.

KillerQu33n> Ew. :(

CutieKingdom78> fuck she aint smiling

KillerQu33n> :(

■Webmaster■>

■Webmaster■>

KillerQu33n> :D!

■Webmaster■>

■Webmaster■>

CutieKingdom78> IVE GOT A REAL BAD FEELING

■Webmaster■> CutieKingdom78 has entered the chatroom.

CutieKingdom78> wait shit fuck no

■Webmaster■> CutieKingdom78 has changed their nickname to ToySh0p.

■Webmaster■> ToySh0p has become an administrator.

■Webmaster■> KillerQu33n has assigned the role “wrath” to ToySh0p.

ToySh0p> FUCK YEAH

CutieKingdom78> OW

ToySh0p> FUCK YOU

CutieKingdom78> FUCK OFF

Agent 2> I see why her source was wrath....

SPiCYWASABi> yeah what does that say about you kid.

Agent 2> .

Agent 2> Literally nothing. Fuck you.

SPiCYWASABi> lol.

SPiCYWASABi> aint my business kid but still. lol.

CraigCuttlefish> Marie, what are you talking about? :-(

Agent 2> LITERALLY NOTHING OCTAVIO IS SLANDERING MY NAME

KillerQu33n> :)

KillerQu33n> Funnily enough, Marie was a virgin. :)

CutieKingdom78> “was”

KillerQu33n> :):):)

Agent 2> EW

ToySh0p> WHAT ARE WE DISCUSSING MY FELLOW DECEASED

CutieKingdom78> nothing shut the fuck up

ToySh0p> YOU ARE VERY RUDE

CutieKingdom78> Im obligated to when talking to you fucking murderer

ToySh0p> I AM WOUNDED

CutieKingdom78> good

ToySh0p> I HAVE RECEIVED THIRD DEGREE “BURNS”

CutieKingdom78> good

SPiCYWASABi> dubstomp her into oblivion kid.

CutieKingdom78> gladly

CutieKingdom78> fucking bitch I had a life and you took it all away

ToySh0p> I DID NOTHING OF THE SORT

CutieKingdom78> shut the fuck up you piece of fucking sHIT YOU TOOK AWAY EVERYTHING I HAD

ToySh0p> AND WHAT WAS THERE FOR YOU ANYWAYS?

CutieKingdom78> SOMETHING BETTER THAN THIS YOU MISERABLE PIECE OF SHIT

ToySh0p> SUCH AS?

Agent 2> can we please shut up please

Agent 2> my everything hurts this is too loud

KillerQu33n> Argue more :)

KillerQu33n> I like seeing you struggle ;)

CutieKingdom78> yknow what just for that fucking remark Im going to keep quiet just to spite you

KillerQu33n> you’re no fun :(

CutieKingdom78> thanks

KillerQu33n> >:/

Agent 2> oh no

Agent 2> she’s angry

KillerQu33n> >:/

KillerQu33n> >:(

CutieKingdom78> is she growing more or less angry because I can’t fucking tell

KillerQu33n> :/

CutieKingdom78> Im guessing thats less angry

SPiCYWASABi> hey thot i got a question.

KillerQu33n> ...what. >:/

SPiCYWASABi> dont act like you dont enjoy being called by name lol.

KillerQu33n> ...fine. What do you want, you sorry cephalopod? :/

SPiCYWASABi> the void is boring as fuck so can you like open youtube so we can watch cute cat videos or something.

KillerQu33n> no that’s also boring… >:\

SPiCYWASABi> then put on the window to the outside or something.

KillerQu33n> …

KillerQu33n> :)

KillerQu33n> Alright. :)

KillerQu33n> w!access window1

■Webmaster■> Opening Window No. 1.

SPiCYWASABi> uh.

SPiCYWASABi> we look away for like what.

SPiCYWASABi> like ten fucking minutes or something.

SPiCYWASABi> and now theres bugs fucking everywhere.

KillerQu33n> :)

SPiCYWASABi> yknow what fuck it fine ill take this over listening to you guys argue.

\--

Hank ran as fast as he could, his feet pounding against the ground. The others followed behind him, only barely keeping pace. Hachi was the exception, blazing forward and moving to the front of the group. His legs were carrying him as far as they could go. A large black swarm rushed downwards into the sewers, pursuing them. They were gaining. The family had no choice but to keep moving, even if they were unsure of their own escape.

“Come on! We have to get away!” Hachi barked at the others. Hank was growing more worried for him by the moment. Hachi had been through so much in so little time, could his body take this exertion?

“I’m moving as fast as I can! Not everybody is some sort of rogue super-warrior!” Pearl retorted.

“I can’t feel my legs!” Goggles yelled.

“Don’t worry babe, you’re doing great!” Rider said to his husband reassuringly. 

“Uncle Hachi, calm down! You might be putting too much pressure on yourself!” Hank exclaimed. “You still have a goddamn stab wound in one of your legs, not to mention all that other shit!”

“What doesn’t kill me makes me stron-” Suddenly, Hachi stumbled. All the energy was sapped from his body. He fell to the floor, his face hitting the pavement hard before he rolled over into the sewer water. He was out like a light.

“No!” Hank ran over to the unconscious Octoling. Without hesitation, he attempted to pick Hachi up and carry him further down the line. For somebody who looked like he hadn’t eaten in three years, he was really heavy.

“Keep running!” Rider yelled at Goggles and Pearl. They nodded and did not slow. Rider rushed over to take Hachi from Hank’s arms. “I’ll carry him, okay?” Hank nodded, giving the Octoling over. Rider smiled at his son. “We’ll be fine, we just have to keep moving,” he assured. The others had already run ahead, so the father and son duo tried to keep pace.

“Dad, do you know if there’s any other way out nearby?” Hank asked in a panicked tone.

“I know as much as you do!” Rider responded. They caught up to the others, but soon Goggles rather literally hit a dead end. He ran directly into the wall at the end of the tunnel. The others stood there, stopping dead in their tracks. They stared ahead. There was no way out. The swarm was on the move. It was growing closer. A blanket of darkness that enveloped the world at lightning pace. 

The blackness enveloped them. They could all feel the tiny insects crawling over their bodies. Hank felt one touch down directly on his eye, prompting him to close his eyes and hiss in pain.

“What the fuck are these things even supposed to b-” Pearl went down first. She felt something hit the back of her head. She hit the floor, having not seen whatever assaulted her coming in the darkness.

“Pearl? Are you ok-” Goggles was knocked unconscious next.

“Headphones Jr., be careful!” Rider yelled. “There’s something else around us. Something other than these bugs.”

“Sorry if I sound rude Dad, but I think I understood that once Pearl went down,” Hank responded. “We have to stay vigila-” Hank felt the harsh pain ring through his head. He lost his balance as he fell to the ground. His vision went white.


	8. Finally Making #1 Progress

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING! This chapter contains themes and elements of entomophobia/arachnophobia, eye horror, force feeding, gore, alcohol, substance abuse, asphyxiation, and corruption, and potentially other triggers. Please be aware and do not read if such themes disgust or disturb you. Thank you.

Pearl felt moisture drip down onto her when her eyes opened. Standing over her was a large insectoid creature, liquids dripping from its proboscis. It made a soft sound akin to a cat’s purr. A long tongue slid out from the mouthpiece, pressing against Pearl’s cheek. It glided across her face, moving over her lips. She could feel the thick saliva ooze into her mouth, no matter how tight lipped she attempted to stay. It had a notable acidic flavor, and it burned away some of the skin on her tongue. She felt the tongue quickly move over one of her eyes, sending a severe sting through it. 

“Ah, motherfucker!” Pearl yelled out. The creature retracted its tongue and stared curiously at the Inkling.

“...Motherfucker.” It parroted. A small separate structure emerged from the proboscis. It looked like...a feeding tube? “Motherfucker?”

“What the...fuck is that?” Pearl questioned, eyes wide. “Keep it away from me you fre-”

The tube was crammed into her mouth mid-sentence. Painfully, what seemed to be small prongs lodged the tube into her throat.

“Hungry. Feed.” The creature bellowed. “Make fresh food. Momma say so.”

A thick, absurdly sweet substance filled her mouth. The texture was uncomfortable as it flowed down her throat. Pearl gagged loudly, causing the creature to pull the tube away. She gasped for air. Light amounts of blood trickled down her throat from the sudden removal of the prongs. The beast stared at her, then gently stroked one of its claws against the top of her head.

“Okay. It okay.” It assured her.

“Let me out of here you fucking creepazoid! You spider-ass piece of shit!” Pearl screamed, struggling violently. She noticed she was tightly entwined in a fleshy substance. “I’m going to rip out your fucking meat-straw and jam it up your ass!”

“...Meat-straw. Ass. Fucking.”

“I hate whenever you speak,” Pearl hissed. “Do you only know how to repeat my words, you lazy fucknut?”

“Fucknut.” It mimicked her once more.

“Well there’s my goddamn answer!”

“Pearlie loud.” It stated, walking away.

“Hey, don’t you walk away from me daddy long fuck!”

The creature stopped and turned around. 

“Pearlie say fuck a lot.” It said. “Mating call.”

“...Let me go!” Pearl screamed. “I will literally kick your swollen bug asses if you don’t!”

“Pearl, shut the fuck up,” A familiar voice said. She turned her head and saw Hachi bundled up in a similar sack of biomatter nearby. “They will leave us alone if you just shut up.”

“I will not shut up!”

“Well then, you’re just as big of an idiot as I thought.”

“Well you’re uh...um...you’re stupid!” Pearl remarked. Hachi stared at her, a look of regret in his eyes.

“God, can you just listen up for one second?”

“No, I am not listening to a guy who threatened to eat my flesh.”

“Well at least if I had eaten your flesh there would be one less moron in this equation.”

“And I’d make sure to rip you apart from the inside, you jerk-off!”

“We are literally in what looks like a bug nest right now. You could, I dunno...not be a bitch?”

“I’m not being a bitch, you’re being a bitch!”

“Whatever you say, princess.”

“I just had a tube jammed down my throat like in a bad horror movie, give me a break!”

“I had that happen to me like four times now. You’re the lucky one here.”

“...Your hair looks stupid.”

“Okay.”

“Cut it out, you two!” Hank called out. He was in a sac hanging from the ceiling. “This is really not the time for your silly little shitfits.”

“He started it!” Pearl yelled.

“I really didn’t.” Hachi sighed. “Pearl is just five years old.”

“I’m the oldest one here, fuckface!”

“Shut the fuck up or so help me I will shoot you both in the goddamn crotches.” Hank threatened. 

“Why haven’t you shot us out of here yet?” Hachi asked.

“Well I can’t really transform into a gun here. I’m not in an ideal place for a good shot, considering I’m wrapped up and all. It’d also cause a massive fucking scene and there’s probably hundreds of those things in this place.”

“You are a disappointment to all of us, I get it.” Pearl snarked.

“Wow, way to be a motivator.” Hachi responded to the Inkling. “Hank’s gonna feel so energized now.”

“Oh my fucking god, this is the last time I’m saying this. Shut the actual fuck up. I will cram twenty Galactic Shwaffles down your throats at the same time once we get out of here if you don’t. And no, I do not care if you’re ‘Pearl Splatoon’ or if Hachi is horribly injured. I will fuck your shit up.”

“Wow, you guys swear a lot.” Goggles commented. He and Rider were cocooned next to one another on a wall. “Whoever raised you didn’t do a very good job on your vocabularies.”

“I was raised in a test tube.” Hachi responded. “I don’t have any parents except the harsh metal walls.”

“I was turned into a gun.” Hank stated.

“...I’m rich.” Pearl added.

“This explains a lot. Headphones Jr. gets a free pass though.” Goggles grinned.

“Thanks dad.” Hank smiled.

“I can give your father one complement, and that’s the fact he is a literal ray of sunshine in Inkling form.” Rider stated.

“Aw, thanks babydoll!” Goggles responded excitedly.

“You are disturbingly optimistic for somebody who’s in a bug nest.” Hachi attempted to force his way out of the bindings, but to no avail.

“Thank you!” Goggles yelled. 

“...Bless your heart.” Hachi said quietly.

“Where I come from, the only time you want to be covered in meat is when you’re at a steakhouse and they spilled free food all over you.” Goggles stated cryptically.

“What is the relevance of that statement in this situation?” Hank asked.

“We’re covered in sticky meat.”

“True.”

“If I wanted to be surrounded by meat, I’d just get Marina to hold me.” Pearl stated.

“That is... a fairly gross way of describing your wife,” Rider pointed out.

“Hey, she’s the one who made that joke to me a while back.”

“Wow, you really are the perfect couple.”

“You better fucking bet we are!” Pearl shouted proudly. “And when I find her, I am going to cuddle the shit out of her.”

“Knowing our luck, she’s probably a bug herself.” Hachi joked.

“Shut up!” Pearl pouted.

“You guys are giving me a fucking migraine,” an unfamiliar Octoling piped up. “Please, for the love of god, be quiet.”

“Well boo hoo, person we don't even know! We don’t care if you’re uncomfortable.” Pearl responded coldly.

“I care!” Goggles exclaimed.

“Nobody cares what you think!”

“I do!” Rider barked.

“Ditto.” Hank stated.

“Unfortunately, so do I.” Hachi sighed loudly.

“You’re all weak ass bitches!” Pearl shouted.

“Oh my god, stop!” The Octoling shouted. “I already feel like I’m dying. I don’t want to die with your ear-grating voices being the last thing I hear.”

“Rider tells me I have a nice voice though.” Goggles said excitedly.

“He’s your husband, obviously he says that.” Pearl laughed.

“Hey, his voice is beautiful you little witch!” Rider yelled.

“Do you guys not realize what is being done to us at this very moment?” The Octoling hissed. “Have you actually taken any fucking time to look around you?”

“I have, and it’s gross.” Pearl responded.

“I’m not talking about the gunk and the feedings and all that surface stuff!” They exclaimed. “We are literally going to be turned into bugs!”

“That’s upsetting.” Hank stated in a monotone voice. 

“Yeah…” Hachi nodded.

“I don’t want to be a bug!” Goggles cried.

“You won’t be a bug, I promise.” Rider said.

“You are a pack of morons,” The stranger muttered.

“Honestly, I accepted that I’m a moron years ago,” Goggles responded with a smile.

“Can we just get the fuck out of here?!” The mystery Octoling shouted. “You are all stupid! We have established this! Please just...someone do something.”

“We’re all trapped in this stuff, asshole.” Pearl said. “We literally cannot move.”

“It’s not like some sort of miracle is going to come along and get us out of this situation.” Hachi added.

A Spiderling waltzed into the room. It had a calmness to it that had not been witnessed in the creatures before. It stared at Pearl as it approached. It tilted its head when it stopped beside her.

“Momma wants to see her Pearlie.” The Spiderling uttered, suddenly slamming one of its claws into the material that encased Pearl. It peeled the layer of gunk away, giving Pearl freedom. “Pearlie wants to see Momma, right?”

“Uh...sure thing.” Pearl responded, climbing to her feet. She was too shocked to do much else.

“Let’s go see Momma!” The Spiderling exclaimed excitedly, turning around to lead Pearl away.

“Hey, Pearl!” Hachi tried to whisper, but it came out more like one of those yells where somebody thinks they’re whispering. Pearl turned her head towards him. Guy really could have been quieter. “Tell it you need us to come with you.”

“...That would be a good idea wouldn’t it?” Pearl thought out loud. “Hey uh...Buggy McFuckface?” Pearl tried getting the Spiderling’s attention.

“What is it, Pearlie?” The insect asked, spasming as it turned to face her. “Aren’t we going to see Momma?”

“Oh, of course! I just uh, would like to bring my friends with me. I want Momma to see my new friends. She’d probably be really happy with all the company.”

“Oh, good idea! Momma can have her Pearlie and a bunch of handpicked new babies!” 

“Yeah, more babies!” Pearl stated, a look of distress on her face.

The Spiderling went around the room, cutting the group free from their bindings. Even the mysterious Octoling. The Spiderling purred with delight as it freed them. It felt like it was doing a good deed for the hive. Hank was cut free from the ceiling and fell to the floor.

“Ow!” Hank exclaimed. “My fuckin’ leg!”

“Oh relax, it’s not like you have a broken bone or anything.” Hachi stated.

“We don’t even have bones!” 

“I have bones.” The Spiderling stated. “My body is a lot of bones. Feel me.”

“I’d rather not.” Most of the group stated in unison.

“Okay!” Goggles agreed. He walked up to the Spiderling and placed a hand on its side and gently stroked it. “Wow, this feels weird. It’s like a giant tooth.”

“Honey, please stop touching the bug.” Rider sighed.

“Would anyone else like to feel me?” The Spiderling asked.

“Let’s just go, please.” Pearl piped up, not wanting to continue this farce.

“Let’s go visit Momma now!” The Spiderling exclaimed.

\--

Glasses sighed as he put on one of Mask’s old shirts. It smelled like it’d definitely been sitting around in a closet for years. Jersey had convinced him to take some of the clothes lying around. If he had a gas mask, he’d look exactly like Mask. At least Glasses thought so. He wasn’t very happy about it, but at least he wasn’t covered in guts and gore anymore.

When was the last time he’d seen Mask, anyway? At a Squidmas party eons ago, probably. He vividly remembered Mask and Army getting drunk off eggnog and making out in the bathroom. That was the same night he’d proposed to Bobble and Headphones, leaving a lot of that party fresh in his mind. It had been one of the happiest nights of his life. That night started what would become the happiest years of his life. Raising Cashmere was one of the greatest experiences he’d ever had. Waking up in the morning to his wives’ smiling faces was always amazing.

“Glasses!” Jersey screamed across the house. Glasses jumped at the sound, snapped out of his thoughts. The smile left his face. He’d been having such a good time reminiscing about the past, only to be reminded he was in the same house as this witch. 

“What do you want?!” He shouted back. 

“I’m cold! Get me another blanket!” She answered. 

“Alright, I guess!” Glasses sighed. He stomped over to a hall closet, swinging the door open and suddenly being attacked by an entire pile of blankets. He growled in frustration as he attempted to push the blankets off of himself. Jersey was too lazy to leave the house, she wouldn’t even let Glasses carry her out the door. So now she was just confining herself to a bed and letting Glasses do all the work to take care of her. 

“Where the hell is my blanket?! What’s taking so long?!” Jersey slammed her hand against the wall so hard Glasses could hear it.

“Give me one fucking minute!” Glasses tore his way out of the pile of blankets, taking a few into his arms and racing over to her room. “Here’s your blankets, bitch!” He tossed the pile onto her.

“Wow, thanks for being such a good pal.” Jersey stuck her tongue out. “You’re less useful than a freaking hotel bellboy.”

“I’m a professional Turf War player! I’m not a bellboy!”

“You never won anything without Goggles so it’s not like you’re a real professional.”

“We’re a fucking team!” Glasses walked up to the bedside. “That is the literal definition of teamwork! That we work together! That’s literally how your team’s sub-weapon hell shit worked!”

“Until Mask decided to switch to special hell. That was just sub-weapon hell but prettier. And dumber. And slower. No wonder we dropped into the bottom tier. Mask was being an idiot as usual.” Jersey laughed.

“Hey, I may not agree with him, but Mask is not an idiot. He’s a tactical specialist, and I commend him for that.” Glasses pointed a finger in Jersey’s face. “You can’t just go around calling your team leader an idiot.”

“Not my team leader anymore, so why should I care? What’s he gonna do? Come back from the grave and beat me to death? Shove an Autobomb up my ass?”

“You listen he- Wait...back from the grave?” Glasses paused for a moment.

“Didn’t you hear the entire S4 is fucking donezo? Skull went missing. Army got fucking ate. Aloha and Mask got real fucked up by Marie, died on the way to the hospital.”

“Wait, who the fuck ate Army?!” Glasses squealed. “You can’t just stop at him having been eaten by someone.”

“Oh, that girl uh...Selena or some shit. The one who looked like trailer park trash, with the leather clothes.”

“You mean Agent 8?” Glasses scratched his head.

“I don’t fucking know. I just know she went off the grid right after she did it. Nobody could find her.”

“Also, when did Skull disappear? Why wasn’t that big news or anything?”

“Did you really think people cared about the S4 anymore? They were old news. Nobody’s gonna treat a washed up athlete's disappearance like a major case. Probably OD’d somewhere and nobody found him.” Jersey responded calmly.

“...Mask was one of your teammates. You act like the S4 just...were never important to you at all. How can you be so heartless?”

“Well you’re the one who killed Marie.”

“I didn’t, you did! I just gave you the gun!”

“You also beat her with a sledgehammer.”

“She was a serial killer!”

“And?”

“Her life had no fucking value whatsoever!”

“Oof, never thought I’d hear a statement like that from Glasses of all people. Always assumed you were a softie.” Jersey chuckled.

“I may be a softie, but I know when the fuck somebody has overstepped their goddamn boundaries!” Glasses curled one of his hands into a fist. “You’re really tempting me right now.”

“Tempting you to do what? You’re too much of a coward to-”

That’s how Jersey found a fist flying into the side of her face.

“Too much of a coward to do what now?” Glasses smiled.

“...Nevermind.” Jersey crossed her arms and turned away. “Can you just make me something to eat?”

“Or I could just leave you here to starve like a normal person would.”

“...Don’t.” She stated desperately. “I only have one fucking leg, I can’t do this myself.”

“Well better learn how to walk on one leg. Or hop.”

“Bitch.”

“Nah, that’s you.”

“I’m nobody’s bitch!” Jersey exclaimed.

“Pretty sure you’re mine right now.” Glasses winked at her. “Now listen up, I’m not taking your shit anymore. You’re taking MY shit!”

“That didn’t sound as cool as you were expecting, I can tell.”

“I don’t care if you don’t have a fucking leg, but I’m getting you out of this bed and we’re going to sit down to a nice dinner. We’re going to have a nice talk. And then I think we’ll see eye-to-eye.”

“Don’t think you can order me arou-” Jersey was cut off by Glasses wrapping his hands around her throat. 

“Oh, you really think I’m not ready to do this?!” Glasses said maniacally, tightening his grip. Jersey could feel her air getting cut off. “You are going to listen to whatever I goddamn say. You are going to be obedient! You expected me to be obedient, right? Well it’s time you return the favor!”

“F-fine!” Jersey choked out. Glasses loosened his grip and pulled away.

“I’m glad we agree on this.” Glasses bowed. “Now I’ll go make dinner. You wait until it’s ready then I’ll carry your dumb ass out to the table.”

“Okay…” Jersey nodded. 

\--

Gwen dug her head into a garbage can, searching for food eagerly. She was eating near constantly at this point, and the others were taking notice. It wasn’t a pretty sight to see her vomit up what looked like acid onto the trash she’d decide to eat. She’d watch it dissolve into liquid before eagerly slurping it up. Chestnut and Cashmere watched with a kind of wonder at the spectacle, but it didn’t sit well with the others.

“I never really wanted to see a bug eat before, and I regret ever having seen it.” Callie whispered to Ded.

“It’s kind of interesting honestly. She can’t eat solid food, looks like. So she breaks it down.” Ded replied, a smile on her face.

“I mean I personally think that’s kind of disgusting.”

“Oh it’s totally disgusting, but it’s cool to see.”

“Cool or not, she’s still one of the bugs that took my friend Jesse.” Bigsby piped up. “We’re playing a bit of a dangerous game right now.”

“If we can manage to befriend her, we could make her lead us to where the bugs are coming from. So it’s not really a dangerous game, like how you put it. Everything is working out in our favor.” Ded responded, crossing her arms. “The world gave us a winning hand for once.”

“If you say so.” The old man yawned. “But we need to get this show on the road fast. Jesse might not have much longer.”

“I understand, but Gwen is a person too. She does have feelings. She’d notice if we were just trying to get stuff out of her. We don’t want to hurt her like that, do we?” Ded stated, concern in her voice. “It’d be like just hurting a random stranger for your benefit. Not a very polite thing to do.”

“I hurt random strangers all the time, and look at me now.” Bigsby announced proudly.

“Is that really something to boast about?”

“No. I’m a disaster of an elderly man.”

“I’m glad you admit it at least.” Callie laughed.

“At least I don’t dress like a ten cent-”

“If you finish that sentence I will kick your ass,” Ded threatened.

“You are big and scary, so I’ll take your threats to heart.” Bigsby nodded.

Cashmere walked up to Callie and tugged on her pant leg. She turned to look at him, and he looked back at her, lip trembling.

“Do you have a cell phone on you?” The small Inkling asked. “I wanna try calling my moms.”

“Oh! I do, hon. Don’t worry.” Callie smiled at him. She dug her hand into her pocket and slid her phone out. “Do you know your mom’s number?”

“Yeah.” He nodded, taking the phone from her. The case had a design matching Callie's tentacles. He typed in Bobble’s phone number and waited, but it just rang.

“Is anyone answering..?” Callie asked hopefully. Cashmere shook his head.

“No, but… I know my other parents’ numbers,” Cashmere said. “I’ll try calling my dad next…”

“Wait, you have a dad? I thought you said you had two moms.” Bigsby tilted his head.

“I have two moms  _ and _ a dad!” Cashmere stated proudly. “I bet all the other kids are jealous of me!”

“Heh. I bet they are, kiddo,” Bigsby said with a chuckle. Cashmere dialed Glasses next, and bit his lip nervously waiting for a response. There was none.

“W-well, I can still try calling Mama Headphones,” Cashmere said worriedly. He didn't know what he'd do if no one answered again.

Luckily, someone did. “Hello?” A tired voice asked from the other end of the line.

“Mama Bobble!” Cashmere exclaimed excitedly.

“Cashmere?!” Bobble responded so loudly that everyone else could hear her. “Where are you, baby?! What happened?! You never came home! Is Glasses with you?!”

“No, Papa Glasses isn’t here. I don’t know where he is. But I’m here with some new friends!” Cashmere excitedly thrust the phone towards Chestnut and Bigsby. “Say hello to my Mama!”

“Hi!” Chestnut waved at the phone, even though Bobble obviously wouldn’t be able to see it.

“We’ll get your son home to you, ma’am,” Bigsby promised. He patted Cashmere on the head, who beamed in response.

“Wait, no, don’t go to the house!” Bobble suddenly exclaimed, before continuing in a calmer voice. “There’s uh, been some messy stuff that happened at home, baby. Mama Headphones and I are in the hospital. Well, she's  _ in _ the hospital, I’m just here with her.”

“What? Is Mama Headphones hurt?!” Cashmere gripped the phone tightly, panic rising in his voice.

“A-a little, but she’s strong and she’s gonna be okay, okay? She’s just sleeping right now. I’ll tell her you called!” Bobble did her best to keep her upbeat tone. She sighed softly as Cashmere seemed to calm down.

“Okay… We have to go pick up another one of our friends, but we’ll be there soon! It’s a promise!” Cashmere grinned, before jumping as Bigsby suddenly yelled.

“Oh hell no, kid! We aren’t taking you anywhere near that shitshow!” The jellyfish exclaimed, and Cashmere visibly deflated slightly.

“But Jesse is in there, and they need us to get them!” Cashmere cried. “They need our help!”

“And  _ you _ need to get back to your parents,” Bigsby retorted.

“But-!” Cashmere tried to object, but Bobble cut him off.

“Baby, listen to me. You need to come back. Mama Headphones needs your support right now. Can your friends go help your other friend? Maybe then you can take everyone to come meet your moms, huh? Wouldn't that be fun?” Bobble spoke gently. Even though it was cheerful as usual, even Cashmere could tell she was trying a bit too hard to keep positive.

Cashmere sighed. “Okay…” His tentacles drooped somewhat. He had hoped for his mother’s support in the matter.

“Now honey, you know I love you.” Bobble said calmly. “I just feel like you aren’t old enough for this kind of adventure yet. Maybe when you’re older you’ll go on a big adventure of your own, but you can’t do that today, okay?”

“I understand.”

“Are you going to be okay?” Bobble asked.

“Yes, mama! I’ll be there soon!”

“Okay! I love you, stay safe!” She made the sound of a kiss before hanging up the phone.

Cashmere sighed after she had hung up. He felt a hint of despair, knowing he wouldn’t be allowed to go on the journey to save Jesse.

“Hey, you want?” Gwen nudged her head gently against Ded. When Ded looked, Gwen held up a handful of bubbling liquid. “Me have fresh fries. Want?”

“Uh, no thanks. I don’t really like the fries here. They’re too #16 salty.” Ded shook her head.

“Babe, I love you but what the fuck?” Callie put a hand on Ded’s shoulder. “Did you really just say that? You just like, used the title of one of your songs instead of speaking like a normal person.”

“Yeah, but I didn’t get on your case when you cried in #8 regret.”

“Hon, back then everything was extremely fucked up. I don’t really think-” Callie stopped herself. “Wait a minute. Oh  _ fuck _ . Bigsby, say something.”

“Why? It’s not like we’re under Splattack or anything.”

Silence.

“You all heard that right, it wasn’t just me?” Callie asked.

“Me hear it.” Gwen nodded her head excitedly.

“I did.” Chestnut confirmed.

“I’m the one who said it so yeah.” Bigsby yeahed. 

“Well I’m glad that’s settled.” Callie sighed in relief. “Let’s just make sure there’s nothing Inkoming.” She immediately threw her hands over her mouth.

“Ha.” Ded pointed at her. “Good one.”

“I didn’t do that on purpose you fuckhead!”

“Hurtful…” Ded placed a hand on her chest and seemed wounded. “I feel #14 crush-ed.”

“Stop it!” Callie stomped her foot. “That’s not funny! This can only mean bad things are happening! Or are going to happen!”

“Hey ladies.” Jennifer greeted from the door.

“Oh hi Agent 3.” Callie greeted back, turning her head back to Ded. “Now listen we have to- AGENT 3!”


End file.
